So I mentioned I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. Some of you might wonder why. Long story short, I was never really truly happy with the relationship for many reasons. Sit tight, grab a drink and maybe enjoy. This is about to get interesting.
So we met online. But not in the way you might think. Someone started a Facebook group of all of the UCR freshmen. And both him and I along with many other UCR to-be-freshmen (at the time) joined that group. And then I created another one but specific to our class and major. And again, him and a bunch of other to-be-UCR freshmen joined. And somehow, through some form of communication, he got my Skype info and I got his and we communicated that way at first. And then not long after, we met in Chinatown. I know, out of all places. But this was just as friends.
Fast forward a couple months, I was locking my bike to the bike racks near the dorms and he said hi, and my parents just so happened to be there and being the nice person I am, I said hi back. My parents eventually hated him.
Then he invited me over to his dorm to hang out. I remember one of his hallmates actually asked us how long we've known each other and we were like "We just met, but we're like already best friends." Later that day, there was always this big event at the start of the school year that we went to and he asked me out there and I awkwardly said yes, but in my mind I wanted to say no. I just didn't get a good vibe from him (you know how I mentioned how I got a good vibe from my co-worker? This was the COMPLETE opposite), but I was so caught up in the moment and with the idea of having a boyfriend that I just didn't really think straight at the time.
The first three years were fine. We didn't really get into any arguments, we were really nice to each other, he got me stuff, and I got him stuff, and we did normal couple-y stuff. I was still caught up in the whole idea of having a boyfriend that I didn't really understand what I really wanted. He also helped me figure out college and helped me with many assignments and things that I didn't know, so I'm grateful for that part. I remember actually crying back in winter break of freshmen year since I couldn't see him every day. I was so stupid back then and so smitten.
Everything went downhill the next two years. We fought a lot, he always got angry with me, and started physically hurting me because I would never listen. He also broke a few of my things and I would lie to my parents about it because I didn't want them to do anything to hurt him.
He took control of what I could and couldn't do. I started watching Chinese dramas as a sort of escape from all my drama, and he didn't want me doing that. I once chose watching dramas over him because I didn't want to deal with him. To this day, I will never regret that decision. He got so mad that he said to choose him or watching Chinese dramas. He would never get mad if I watched American dramas (I watched Pretty Little Liars almost every week), so why did he get mad over that? I did spend an entire summer obsessing over Aaron Yan from Just You and Fall in Love with Me and downloading so many Chinese songs, so I could see where he was coming from. I eventually stopped watching Chinese dramas for maybe a year, and then I created a secret Twitter account just so I could fangirl about Chinese and Taiwanese dramas as well as a secret Instagram account (I created a different one later since he had me delete that one). I also secretly watched Taiwanese dramas and created both a DramaFever and a Viki account. He later found out about those too. The Twitter account is still active, but I rarely post on it since work gets in the way. I felt like he just took control of too many aspects of my life that I wasn't even living MY life.
My parents were a small reason why we broke up as well. They didn't really like him, since they said he was too short and wasn't really "handsome" to their liking. He also wasn't Chinese (or at least not in their minds). His parents spoke Chinese, but also Cambodian. He had a little brother that was younger than almost half his age, and even though I liked him, I felt like I wanted us time, and my ex was always dragging him along in our "dates".
One of the last times we hung out, I was so ready to break up with him, but he kept giving me reasons to stay together. Like how I would never find another Asian who was taller than me and who is as nice as he is and tolerates my weirdness. My co-worker is all of those things. Minus the Asian and height.
I think the last time we hung out as a "date" was to see The Lego Batman Movie or some movie. He brought me pasta or some food he either made or got from his work. That was nice. And he wanted to like make out or something in his car and I just didn't feel like it. It was then I realised I needed to end it. I was just so tired of his games. It was just too much. I couldn't take it anymore.
He saw me one last time at work. He worked at Marina Del Ray at the time, and I couldn't just take one or two hours off just to see him. We were already understaffed as it is. We still are. I didn't really talk to him because I had nothing to say. We were done.
I still have a bunch of his stuff. Mostly toys. I just don't want to find the time to drop them off at Goodwill's. I blocked him on all social media platforms. He knows where I live, and I know where he lives. Hopefully he won't come knocking for answers because I'm not giving him any.
Goodbye, next.
Saturday, December 29, 2018
So, I Got a Job...What Now?
(I somehow forgot to post this a LONGGGGG time ago)
So yeah, I got a job the other day. I should be happy, but I'm more confused than happy. Do I like it? I'm not sure yet.
Like is a very strong word. It's a word you use to describe something you believe fully in, something you have strong feeling towards. I can't say for sure if I "like" my job. But I will say that I do find myself thinking, if I didn't accept this job, what would I do?
You could say I'm a dreamer. In fact, I'm more than a dreamer. I'm a firm believer in chasing your dreams and overcoming obstacles along the way. But sometimes, I forget that I need to apply that to myself too. I chase too many dreams at once. I have many ideas I want to put out there, but instead of going for those ideas, I think of the many ways that those ideas could go wrong.
I guess I'm more pessimistic than I am optimistic. I guess I tend to look at the downside of things more than the flip-side. Which is probably why I feel so confused. And can't decide things. It might also be because I've let other people choose for me, so I guess I just "chose" a practical major.
I also don't feel like I want to quit just yet, because if I do, I won't be bringing food on the table so to speak. I know that if you want to chase your dreams, you have to put it your all, but sometimes, you also gotta have a backup plan.
All that plus, I've been trying to distract myself from getting a job because I honestly had NO CLUE what the eff I wanted to do after college. I've been trying to distract myself from applying to jobs because I didn't know if I'd like it or not.
And actually, I was actually enjoying my dining job because I really liked interacting with customers. Maybe that's what I like. Interacting with customers, face to face. So hospitality? I'm not sure yet. But I'm getting there, slowly but surely.
So yeah, I got a job the other day. I should be happy, but I'm more confused than happy. Do I like it? I'm not sure yet.
Like is a very strong word. It's a word you use to describe something you believe fully in, something you have strong feeling towards. I can't say for sure if I "like" my job. But I will say that I do find myself thinking, if I didn't accept this job, what would I do?
You could say I'm a dreamer. In fact, I'm more than a dreamer. I'm a firm believer in chasing your dreams and overcoming obstacles along the way. But sometimes, I forget that I need to apply that to myself too. I chase too many dreams at once. I have many ideas I want to put out there, but instead of going for those ideas, I think of the many ways that those ideas could go wrong.
I guess I'm more pessimistic than I am optimistic. I guess I tend to look at the downside of things more than the flip-side. Which is probably why I feel so confused. And can't decide things. It might also be because I've let other people choose for me, so I guess I just "chose" a practical major.
I also don't feel like I want to quit just yet, because if I do, I won't be bringing food on the table so to speak. I know that if you want to chase your dreams, you have to put it your all, but sometimes, you also gotta have a backup plan.
All that plus, I've been trying to distract myself from getting a job because I honestly had NO CLUE what the eff I wanted to do after college. I've been trying to distract myself from applying to jobs because I didn't know if I'd like it or not.
And actually, I was actually enjoying my dining job because I really liked interacting with customers. Maybe that's what I like. Interacting with customers, face to face. So hospitality? I'm not sure yet. But I'm getting there, slowly but surely.
What Are We?
So, you that that same co-worker I've been mentioning? It's been a good few months since my last post about him, so thought I'd give you a quick update.
We used to bite each other's heads off, OBVIOUSLY, in a playful manner. And now, we've kind of tolerated each other a little bit more. Although I did FINALLY get his number like almost a month ago. Which was funny cuz I indirectly gave him mine during Halloween as an excuse to give him jelly beans.
Quick digression. So I gave him my number indirectly on the back of a post-it note cuz we have tons of those at work as an excuse to give him my jelly beans that I have at home since I can't really eat jelly beans anymore. Root canal. Not fun. Anyways, I gave him two bags of jelly beans in Ziploc bags and on the first bag, I stuck a post-it note and wrote "Happy Halloween!" and on the second bag, I stuck a post-it and wrote "Thanks for being an awesome co-worker and putting up with me. You're pretty cool! Let's hang out sometime!" and I gave him my number. I contemplated that for THE LONGEST TIME since I wasn't sure if he would see it, which he didn't...for about a month.
Flash forward almost a month, I just got back from lunch, and he messages me "I just saw that post it note you stuck on the back. Believe me, if I had seen that, I would have spammed you with cat pics" and I was so confused cuz I was in work mode.
So yeah, I FINALLY managed to get his number. I don't know. I've always gotten a good vibe from him. Since he's only like two years older than I am. Like I really want to hang out with him, but I just can't figure out how to ask. And cuz I feel like now would be a bad time to ask since he's like switching meds or something like that. We tell each other some really deep shit.
ANYWAYS, that's not what I meant to talk about. So I feel like now, we can stand each other a bit more. And we only decide to kill each other depending on the workload. Recently, work has been pretty light, so we joke around a lot more than we did a few weeks ago when it was crazy busy. He also does this thing recently where he'll come up an just randomly poke me. I've gotten him back maybe like once or twice.
I feel like now, we've kind of hit a stagnant point in terms of snappy remarks and whatnot, but I feel like I'm meaner to him than he is to me. Here's a few examples.
Him: I don't know why I just can't get warm.
Me: It's probably cuz you have a cold soul.
Him: Wow, that's harsh.
Him: (hears the fax machine go off) Really?
Me: It loves you.
Him: I don't want it to!
Me: It wants your love!
Him: Why does he keep calling me?
Me: Because he loves you!
Him: Love me less!
Me: He thinks otherwise.
He gives me something to approve.
Me: (approves it)
Him: Thank you.
Me: You're not welcome. (I've said this more than once.)
Him: Oh, that hurts. (And he's said some variation of that.)
Him: (walks in) Jenny, you're a terrible person.
Me: What did I ever do to you?
Him: I just wanted you to know that.
Him: Jenny, you're a terrible person. (version 2)
Me: I know, that's why I can be mean to you back.
Him: Wow, harsh.
Manager: (talking about some system upgrade)
This was also at some off-site another co-worker arranged.
Him: Well that what am I gonna do all day?
Me: Complain.
Him: Wow, really? We're not even at work at you have the energy to throw me under the bus?
So yeah, we have our share of snappy remarks and comments. We get along that way. It's a special relationship we share.
"Because you're my favourite!"
We used to bite each other's heads off, OBVIOUSLY, in a playful manner. And now, we've kind of tolerated each other a little bit more. Although I did FINALLY get his number like almost a month ago. Which was funny cuz I indirectly gave him mine during Halloween as an excuse to give him jelly beans.
Quick digression. So I gave him my number indirectly on the back of a post-it note cuz we have tons of those at work as an excuse to give him my jelly beans that I have at home since I can't really eat jelly beans anymore. Root canal. Not fun. Anyways, I gave him two bags of jelly beans in Ziploc bags and on the first bag, I stuck a post-it note and wrote "Happy Halloween!" and on the second bag, I stuck a post-it and wrote "Thanks for being an awesome co-worker and putting up with me. You're pretty cool! Let's hang out sometime!" and I gave him my number. I contemplated that for THE LONGEST TIME since I wasn't sure if he would see it, which he didn't...for about a month.
Flash forward almost a month, I just got back from lunch, and he messages me "I just saw that post it note you stuck on the back. Believe me, if I had seen that, I would have spammed you with cat pics" and I was so confused cuz I was in work mode.
So yeah, I FINALLY managed to get his number. I don't know. I've always gotten a good vibe from him. Since he's only like two years older than I am. Like I really want to hang out with him, but I just can't figure out how to ask. And cuz I feel like now would be a bad time to ask since he's like switching meds or something like that. We tell each other some really deep shit.
ANYWAYS, that's not what I meant to talk about. So I feel like now, we can stand each other a bit more. And we only decide to kill each other depending on the workload. Recently, work has been pretty light, so we joke around a lot more than we did a few weeks ago when it was crazy busy. He also does this thing recently where he'll come up an just randomly poke me. I've gotten him back maybe like once or twice.
I feel like now, we've kind of hit a stagnant point in terms of snappy remarks and whatnot, but I feel like I'm meaner to him than he is to me. Here's a few examples.
Him: I don't know why I just can't get warm.
Me: It's probably cuz you have a cold soul.
Him: Wow, that's harsh.
Him: (hears the fax machine go off) Really?
Me: It loves you.
Him: I don't want it to!
Me: It wants your love!
Him: Why does he keep calling me?
Me: Because he loves you!
Him: Love me less!
Me: He thinks otherwise.
He gives me something to approve.
Me: (approves it)
Him: Thank you.
Me: You're not welcome. (I've said this more than once.)
Him: Oh, that hurts. (And he's said some variation of that.)
Him: (walks in) Jenny, you're a terrible person.
Me: What did I ever do to you?
Him: I just wanted you to know that.
Him: Jenny, you're a terrible person. (version 2)
Me: I know, that's why I can be mean to you back.
Him: Wow, harsh.
Manager: (talking about some system upgrade)
This was also at some off-site another co-worker arranged.
Him: Well that what am I gonna do all day?
Me: Complain.
Him: Wow, really? We're not even at work at you have the energy to throw me under the bus?
So yeah, we have our share of snappy remarks and comments. We get along that way. It's a special relationship we share.
"Because you're my favourite!"
Thursday, August 16, 2018
Super confusing.
Update on the "Guys are so confusing" post.
So that same co-worker IM'd me today (I'm usually the one IMing him to remind him of certain things) asking if he could help on anything. After a while, a bunch of people bombarded me with all sorts of requests, and because today was a super slow day, I had him input and verify some of my the incoming wires, which is my primary job. And long story short, I end up telling him how to do everything since he hasn't really done it since I last taught him, which was a long time ago. And then I ask him to do an extra few steps, which he then says, "Want me to wax your car with it?" or something like that and I ignore him for a while, since I was busy. And then he says something like the wise ass response was supposed to be yes, and dress my tires as well. Like I'm supposed to know that. And then sarcastically, I say "Yes please, and clean my room and make me food as well" sarcastically. And surprisingly, he replies something like "If that's your way of asking me out, I'm cool with it. But just know I go big." Something like that. I wasn't expecting that.
And then he got annoyed at me because I forgot something, but then I found out he was mistaken. Whew.
Sidenote, my manager just came back from vacation and he used to work at this one company so he has connections, so we all got new keyboards. I'm a pretty tall person. More on that my third grade story later. And when tall people try to fit under a table, it ain't the cutest thing in the world. Bumps here and there, it's pretty tiring. Believe me, I know. So I'm trying to unplug my old keyboard and install my new keyboard in the computer, and I bump here and there, fall a few times, and finally get the thing to work. He then asks if I'm good, okay, that sort of language at least three times. Yeah, it was painfully tiring (literally).
So then we have this competition between a few of our company's teams. Our team didn't end up winning, but that's beside the point. Since he's usually the first one to get here, he left around 5 PM, and got changed (according to him) and came back to see the competition. This is the part it gets a bit cringey.
So he comes to the event in like jeans and a button up and converse. Lucky. But hey, I don't really want to get up at 6 AM and go to work at 7 AM. Anyways, I'm like in a group almost with my co-workers and he and my manager (who also happens to arrive at the same time) walk up and say hi. He then stands next to me and my other co-worker, and while my other co-worker gets food, we kinda just stand there really awkwardly cuz we don't know what to say to each other.
A few minutes pass by and I really don't wanna finish my ice cream (it was too sweet) and I didn't like the gummy worms in it, so I asked if he wanted it, since he tends to snack on sour straws a lot. At first he wanted it, but I guess he thinks he might be allergic to strawberry (there was strawberry ice cream on the bottom). That was probably the only conversation we had the entire time.
So that same co-worker IM'd me today (I'm usually the one IMing him to remind him of certain things) asking if he could help on anything. After a while, a bunch of people bombarded me with all sorts of requests, and because today was a super slow day, I had him input and verify some of my the incoming wires, which is my primary job. And long story short, I end up telling him how to do everything since he hasn't really done it since I last taught him, which was a long time ago. And then I ask him to do an extra few steps, which he then says, "Want me to wax your car with it?" or something like that and I ignore him for a while, since I was busy. And then he says something like the wise ass response was supposed to be yes, and dress my tires as well. Like I'm supposed to know that. And then sarcastically, I say "Yes please, and clean my room and make me food as well" sarcastically. And surprisingly, he replies something like "If that's your way of asking me out, I'm cool with it. But just know I go big." Something like that. I wasn't expecting that.
And then he got annoyed at me because I forgot something, but then I found out he was mistaken. Whew.
Sidenote, my manager just came back from vacation and he used to work at this one company so he has connections, so we all got new keyboards. I'm a pretty tall person. More on that my third grade story later. And when tall people try to fit under a table, it ain't the cutest thing in the world. Bumps here and there, it's pretty tiring. Believe me, I know. So I'm trying to unplug my old keyboard and install my new keyboard in the computer, and I bump here and there, fall a few times, and finally get the thing to work. He then asks if I'm good, okay, that sort of language at least three times. Yeah, it was painfully tiring (literally).
So then we have this competition between a few of our company's teams. Our team didn't end up winning, but that's beside the point. Since he's usually the first one to get here, he left around 5 PM, and got changed (according to him) and came back to see the competition. This is the part it gets a bit cringey.
So he comes to the event in like jeans and a button up and converse. Lucky. But hey, I don't really want to get up at 6 AM and go to work at 7 AM. Anyways, I'm like in a group almost with my co-workers and he and my manager (who also happens to arrive at the same time) walk up and say hi. He then stands next to me and my other co-worker, and while my other co-worker gets food, we kinda just stand there really awkwardly cuz we don't know what to say to each other.
A few minutes pass by and I really don't wanna finish my ice cream (it was too sweet) and I didn't like the gummy worms in it, so I asked if he wanted it, since he tends to snack on sour straws a lot. At first he wanted it, but I guess he thinks he might be allergic to strawberry (there was strawberry ice cream on the bottom). That was probably the only conversation we had the entire time.
Sunday, August 12, 2018
Guys are so confusing
Need I say more? Girls, you know what's up.
So, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. More on that in a future post. So yes, I'm single again. I kinda miss being single and doing whatever you want whenever you want. All four years of college, I basically did everything with my ex-boyfriend and ended up not really enjoying life to the fullest. Life is short, so you know, YOLO.
Anyways, what I wanted to talk about was that guys. Are fricking confusing. They do one thing, and it means this, and then they go ahead and forget that they even did it and leave you hanging. Like what?!
So there's this guy at work who I think has a crush on me since I think he thinks that I like him because I always help him look out for emails that gets sent to our group inbox.
We have two inboxes we need to manage, our team inbox and our personal inbox. We don't always have time to manage two inboxes along with all of our daily work that also needs to get done. We also use Skype (Lync) to communicate with each other.
Back to the story. So I usually will help him out with managing some of the emails that we get, and we get A LOT of email flooded to our team inbox, some of which we're just copied for some odd reason. So I'll usually Skype message him certain emails or things that he needs to look out for, since we all miss an email or two sometimes. So I guess he thought that by me looking out for some of the emails and tasks that it meant that I might have liked him? Oh, and he also joined a few months after I "officially" started. So I guess we're like the two newbies.
So one day, I message him something, I forget what it was, but I think that day, it was a really slow day, and I was sending him emoticons (yes, not emojis) instead of replying cos I find that easier sometimes, depending on the situation.
So then he replies something like "You're really cute and all, but I don't speak smiley!" in which I read after I had send the (headbang) emoticon, so I guess I was confusing him cos after that he said that I was confusing him.
That same day, he got annoyed because everything that could have gone wrong, WENT WRONG. To add onto that, our manager was on vacation, and we couldn't get a hold of him, so everything just went berserk.
We're also a bit short-staffed, so whenever he takes lunch, my co-worker and I have to pitch in to handle his work for an hour or so. Apparently, one of us didn't keep an eye on certain things, and he got annoyed. Again.
"I don't know if I mentioned this, but when you guys are covering for me, could you please ...?" in which I answered a simple, "Sure." I was also fed up with all of that day's work.
Confidential information I'm not allowed to share. It's a regulatory thing.
So the same day, a few hours later, I'm done with MOST of my work and offered to help out on some of his work. And then I guess he wants me to add something, so I do, and ask my supervisor to help out. Meanwhile, I finished part of what he handed me, and he also happens to come over and put his elbow on my head. "...I'm just putting my elbow on your head" As if that's normal between co-workers. I just brush it off.
Before I say anything else, I also want to say, he asks me to print some stuff for him sometimes, since he doesn't have the application to do so. One time, he said, "Jenny, my favourite person in the world," which I just brushed off, since I think the 3 other people who do have access to the same application couldn't be bothered to help him with a small request.
I also want to add, he usually is listening to music most of the time.
The next day, I didn't see him listen to any kind of music. he also happened to be wearing the same colour as I did that day, which I found a bit odd. Whatever, maybe that's just me.
TL;DR
Guys are so confusing. They do one thing and it makes you assume something and then they do the opposite and you're like what?
So, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. More on that in a future post. So yes, I'm single again. I kinda miss being single and doing whatever you want whenever you want. All four years of college, I basically did everything with my ex-boyfriend and ended up not really enjoying life to the fullest. Life is short, so you know, YOLO.
Anyways, what I wanted to talk about was that guys. Are fricking confusing. They do one thing, and it means this, and then they go ahead and forget that they even did it and leave you hanging. Like what?!
So there's this guy at work who I think has a crush on me since I think he thinks that I like him because I always help him look out for emails that gets sent to our group inbox.
We have two inboxes we need to manage, our team inbox and our personal inbox. We don't always have time to manage two inboxes along with all of our daily work that also needs to get done. We also use Skype (Lync) to communicate with each other.
Back to the story. So I usually will help him out with managing some of the emails that we get, and we get A LOT of email flooded to our team inbox, some of which we're just copied for some odd reason. So I'll usually Skype message him certain emails or things that he needs to look out for, since we all miss an email or two sometimes. So I guess he thought that by me looking out for some of the emails and tasks that it meant that I might have liked him? Oh, and he also joined a few months after I "officially" started. So I guess we're like the two newbies.
So one day, I message him something, I forget what it was, but I think that day, it was a really slow day, and I was sending him emoticons (yes, not emojis) instead of replying cos I find that easier sometimes, depending on the situation.
So then he replies something like "You're really cute and all, but I don't speak smiley!" in which I read after I had send the (headbang) emoticon, so I guess I was confusing him cos after that he said that I was confusing him.
That same day, he got annoyed because everything that could have gone wrong, WENT WRONG. To add onto that, our manager was on vacation, and we couldn't get a hold of him, so everything just went berserk.
We're also a bit short-staffed, so whenever he takes lunch, my co-worker and I have to pitch in to handle his work for an hour or so. Apparently, one of us didn't keep an eye on certain things, and he got annoyed. Again.
"I don't know if I mentioned this, but when you guys are covering for me, could you please ...?" in which I answered a simple, "Sure." I was also fed up with all of that day's work.
Confidential information I'm not allowed to share. It's a regulatory thing.
So the same day, a few hours later, I'm done with MOST of my work and offered to help out on some of his work. And then I guess he wants me to add something, so I do, and ask my supervisor to help out. Meanwhile, I finished part of what he handed me, and he also happens to come over and put his elbow on my head. "...I'm just putting my elbow on your head" As if that's normal between co-workers. I just brush it off.
Before I say anything else, I also want to say, he asks me to print some stuff for him sometimes, since he doesn't have the application to do so. One time, he said, "Jenny, my favourite person in the world," which I just brushed off, since I think the 3 other people who do have access to the same application couldn't be bothered to help him with a small request.
I also want to add, he usually is listening to music most of the time.
The next day, I didn't see him listen to any kind of music. he also happened to be wearing the same colour as I did that day, which I found a bit odd. Whatever, maybe that's just me.
TL;DR
Guys are so confusing. They do one thing and it makes you assume something and then they do the opposite and you're like what?
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