I've kind of stayed away from relationships since my last and only one went pretty badly and honestly I don't think I can ever do relationships anymore. At least not for now.
So I decided to do this casual thing with one of my...we'll just call him a friend to make things less complicated.
I would say this whole thing started about a month ago.
Things were going pretty well I thought. I liked him, he liked me, but we both didn't want the commitment of a relationship. We've had sex like once (it was nice, not gonna lie) and it just felt wrong for both of us, so we've stayed away from that part. I wanted more of a cuddle buddy and a makeout buddy more than he wanted more of a friends with benefits sort of thing, which I wasn't really into.
A few days ago, he asked me what I wanted, and I didn't have the guts to say I just wanted a cuddle buddy or a makeout buddy and so I just stayed quiet and kept saying I wasn't sure in the spur of the moment and he said he couldn't do this anymore. Since I felt like it wasn't really going anywhere because we both wanted two totally different things. At least for now, on my part. Also because I'm really bad at deciding under pressure or on a whim. Which I felt like I was since he kept asking me, and it reminded me of a really bad time in my past, and I automatically deflected to the way I used to at the time instead of actually thinking and using my head.
I just feel so stupid.
A part of me feels sad that I didn't tell him what I wanted and a part of me still wants him back (as a makeout/cuddle buddy) but he told me he didn't want anything to do with me until I "sort out my issues" which I'm not sure what that means.
Long story short, things are really weird between us. And the way things are between us, it's hard for me to confront him about it. Since before we started this casual thing, things were already pretty complicated.
I just want to tell him that I want to take things casual for now, and not get into it too much for now until I actually feel ready.
It also feels like I lost a good friend. Even though we weren't that close, I told him some deep shit and he's told me shit about his past. I kind of miss what we had even before we started this whole casual thing.
I just miss him. In a non-romantic, no-strings-attached sort of way. I just really care about him. More than I should. I admit, I had a crush on him, but it slowly faded away when I found out who he was as a person.
How do you fix things with someone who you never had a real connection with?
Saturday, May 25, 2019
Prank Gone...Awry?
Sooooo, I had this crazy idea to finally do that texting my Forever and Always with some tweaking song lyrics prank. On that one co-worker.
He's been messing with my head and playing with my emotions and I thought I'd do him back the favour.
Not that I want to, because I wanted to convey a certain message to him I just couldn't in words. And texting song lyrics is one way I try to tell people something that I don't have the nerve to tell them directly. Also letters. Actual written letters. I guess I'm a hopeless romantic in that aspect.
So, the whole ordeal from beginning to end took almost two hours. Not because I didn't know what to say because I've been planning it for WEEKS. But because he took FOREVER to respond. And I mean forever.
To the point where I would have to text him multiple times just to get a response. But I guess he doesn't really listen to the same music as I do, so it makes sense.
As a person who watches YouTube a lot, I would assume he would know what I was going on about. But then again that texting prank challenge was SO last year.
But hey, better late than never, right? I've been meaning to do it for a while but never found the right person to mess with. Until now I guess.
I mean, I could have done it with my ex (at the time), but he knew how obsessed I was with YouTube that we got into some serious arguments about it, so that wouldn't have been too fun. And my other two friends...one of them, we have this strange friendship where we only send each other FaceBook stickers, sooooo...yeah. And the other one, he's a little too dramatic, so I feel like that's not go too well.
But overall, it didn't go too bad. Other than the fact I was filming the whole thing and it took FOREVER just to get him to respond. Mostly because he was confused half the time and actually thought I was onto something. Which I sort of was.
And I had to cut it short because he thought so many different things that I wouldn't have even guessed. Nothing too bad, but wayyyy out of my line. And I had to kinda give him a hint because he had NO CLUE what I was going on about. I thought he would have known when I texted the line containing the song title, so I kind of felt bad dragging him on for so long since I'm sure he has other things to do on a Sunday. Or maybe not.
But I felt sooooo bad that I messed with his head that I had to apologise afterwards because I'm just that nice of a person. It's a good and a bad thing. Mostly good, but it bites you back sometimes.
And that led me to just texting him for the sake of texting him person to person. And I kind of got him to say what I needed and he got me to say what I needed (not all of it, but life takes time). So I guess it all worked out. Maybe not how I intended it to, but not all's fair in life.
Also not sure why this has been in my drafts for so long. Whoops.
He's been messing with my head and playing with my emotions and I thought I'd do him back the favour.
Not that I want to, because I wanted to convey a certain message to him I just couldn't in words. And texting song lyrics is one way I try to tell people something that I don't have the nerve to tell them directly. Also letters. Actual written letters. I guess I'm a hopeless romantic in that aspect.
So, the whole ordeal from beginning to end took almost two hours. Not because I didn't know what to say because I've been planning it for WEEKS. But because he took FOREVER to respond. And I mean forever.
To the point where I would have to text him multiple times just to get a response. But I guess he doesn't really listen to the same music as I do, so it makes sense.
As a person who watches YouTube a lot, I would assume he would know what I was going on about. But then again that texting prank challenge was SO last year.
But hey, better late than never, right? I've been meaning to do it for a while but never found the right person to mess with. Until now I guess.
I mean, I could have done it with my ex (at the time), but he knew how obsessed I was with YouTube that we got into some serious arguments about it, so that wouldn't have been too fun. And my other two friends...one of them, we have this strange friendship where we only send each other FaceBook stickers, sooooo...yeah. And the other one, he's a little too dramatic, so I feel like that's not go too well.
But overall, it didn't go too bad. Other than the fact I was filming the whole thing and it took FOREVER just to get him to respond. Mostly because he was confused half the time and actually thought I was onto something. Which I sort of was.
And I had to cut it short because he thought so many different things that I wouldn't have even guessed. Nothing too bad, but wayyyy out of my line. And I had to kinda give him a hint because he had NO CLUE what I was going on about. I thought he would have known when I texted the line containing the song title, so I kind of felt bad dragging him on for so long since I'm sure he has other things to do on a Sunday. Or maybe not.
But I felt sooooo bad that I messed with his head that I had to apologise afterwards because I'm just that nice of a person. It's a good and a bad thing. Mostly good, but it bites you back sometimes.
And that led me to just texting him for the sake of texting him person to person. And I kind of got him to say what I needed and he got me to say what I needed (not all of it, but life takes time). So I guess it all worked out. Maybe not how I intended it to, but not all's fair in life.
Also not sure why this has been in my drafts for so long. Whoops.
Monday, April 1, 2019
What I Think
So...my relationship with that one co-worker. It's complicated. To the point that I've changed my relationship status to "it's complicated" on FaceBook. That's when you know it's a big deal. Well, at least in today's society.
I really want to hang out with him someday though. That's actually how I got his number. Because
we're both around the same age and so we share that special connection that I haven't really gotten with any of my other co-workers. I see him more as a friend than a co-worker.
So, how did I get his number? I feel like that's a whole 'nother story for a different post.
I meant to talk about how I think his mind works. Because I like talking about stuff like that. I feel like we're both similar in that we both kind of awkward in a cutesy way. I don't know if he's as awkward as I am, but he is definitely awkward. Well, at least I think he is. I remember we were standing next to each other at this one event we had, and it was just SO FREAKING AWKWARD. I had the feeling that we both wanted to talk to each other, but didn't know what to say.
He's the type of person you would just get along with really well. And I feel like I am too. Even though I might not seem like it. I'm pretty easygoing and not too picky in life. I feel like he's sort of the same way. Like he annoys the shit out of me at work and the things he does drive me nuts, but at the end of the day, I feel like he still cares about me, as much as he doesn't want to. And I'm the same way.
I saw this thing on Buzzfeed or Twitter or somewhere and it said "There's always that one person you look out for" or something along those lines and I feel like that's our friendship. We look out for one another. And that's what I like about it.
There's been multiple times where I've annoyed the living hell out of him and he goes "Do you wanna go?" And me being me, I've said, "Yeah, I'll go do my work!" And I think one time my manager commented on my snarky remark.
The reason (I think) we get along so well (in theory) is that we kind of have similar but clashing personalities. He's annoying, loud, and rude most of the time, and I'm calm and pretty nice and quiet most of the time. We're also pretty bad with saying words out loud, but we both kind of have our own little unwritten language that no one but us knows about. He has this book that he's told me his writing and I have this blog that I don't think anyone but myself reads.
At work, we hate the living hell out of each other, but outside of that, like on weekends, we get along quite well I guess. We text each other every so often. Recently, it's about work-related stuff because that's all we ever talk about and we poke fun at our other co-workers. I feel like we together as one, make a pretty good team. Like if we made something together, it would turn out weirdly cool. I'm a dork and he's a nerd. And we're okay with that.
I just REALLY WANT TO HANG OUT with him sometime. Emphasis on the HANG OUT not GO OUT because that has two different meanings in today's world.
I've actually asked him to hang out a few months ago and he legit thought I was hitting on him. Or maybe that was just him giving me a hard time. UGH!
Guys are so confusing but then again girls are confusing to guys too. If we just stopped confusing each other, maybe everything would be a lot easier.
I really want to hang out with him someday though. That's actually how I got his number. Because
we're both around the same age and so we share that special connection that I haven't really gotten with any of my other co-workers. I see him more as a friend than a co-worker.
So, how did I get his number? I feel like that's a whole 'nother story for a different post.
I meant to talk about how I think his mind works. Because I like talking about stuff like that. I feel like we're both similar in that we both kind of awkward in a cutesy way. I don't know if he's as awkward as I am, but he is definitely awkward. Well, at least I think he is. I remember we were standing next to each other at this one event we had, and it was just SO FREAKING AWKWARD. I had the feeling that we both wanted to talk to each other, but didn't know what to say.
He's the type of person you would just get along with really well. And I feel like I am too. Even though I might not seem like it. I'm pretty easygoing and not too picky in life. I feel like he's sort of the same way. Like he annoys the shit out of me at work and the things he does drive me nuts, but at the end of the day, I feel like he still cares about me, as much as he doesn't want to. And I'm the same way.
I saw this thing on Buzzfeed or Twitter or somewhere and it said "There's always that one person you look out for" or something along those lines and I feel like that's our friendship. We look out for one another. And that's what I like about it.
There's been multiple times where I've annoyed the living hell out of him and he goes "Do you wanna go?" And me being me, I've said, "Yeah, I'll go do my work!" And I think one time my manager commented on my snarky remark.
The reason (I think) we get along so well (in theory) is that we kind of have similar but clashing personalities. He's annoying, loud, and rude most of the time, and I'm calm and pretty nice and quiet most of the time. We're also pretty bad with saying words out loud, but we both kind of have our own little unwritten language that no one but us knows about. He has this book that he's told me his writing and I have this blog that I don't think anyone but myself reads.
At work, we hate the living hell out of each other, but outside of that, like on weekends, we get along quite well I guess. We text each other every so often. Recently, it's about work-related stuff because that's all we ever talk about and we poke fun at our other co-workers. I feel like we together as one, make a pretty good team. Like if we made something together, it would turn out weirdly cool. I'm a dork and he's a nerd. And we're okay with that.
I just REALLY WANT TO HANG OUT with him sometime. Emphasis on the HANG OUT not GO OUT because that has two different meanings in today's world.
I've actually asked him to hang out a few months ago and he legit thought I was hitting on him. Or maybe that was just him giving me a hard time. UGH!
Guys are so confusing but then again girls are confusing to guys too. If we just stopped confusing each other, maybe everything would be a lot easier.
Friday, January 25, 2019
Life is Hard.
Life is one hell of a roller coaster ride.
Long story short, I don't really know what to do with my life. What are my goals? Dreams? Aspirations? My teacher always asked that. "Any questions? Hopes? Wishes? Dreams? Aspirations?" Something like that.
I shipped something to my old address in Riverside when I went to UCR. I graduated about a year and a half ago.
More on that in another post.
That got me thinking, a lot of my friends are already married and have kids, and I don't even have a boyfriend!
My co-worker was talking about Star Trek and he jokingly said, "You're too young for that!" I haven't watched any of the Star Wars, Star Trek, or Lord of the Rings movies. I know, I'm a horrible person. In my defence, I have watched all of the Harry Potter movies multiple times and have the books (in pristine condition, might I add).
Sometimes, I feel like life moves way too fast for us to catch up. It's almost like trying to catch a train when you forgot to wake up in time.
Literally my life. Every single day.
I still live with my parents. At least two of my co-workers still do. The same two co-workers are also in their mid-to-late-20s.
I'm honestly scared to live on my own. I could, I mean I did it for almost four years. Somewhat. Parents are always gonna be parents.
There's so many things I'm still trying to figure out. And living on your own comes many responsibilities. Groceries, rent, bills. It takes up most of the weekends since you're on the 9-5 grind on weekdays.
I just don't know if I could handle all that. I mean, I DO want to move out. Don't get me wrong. Just all that added pressure. I don't know if I'm ready for that.
That and plus, rent and bills and all that is really expensive and I still have a college "broke life" mentality. Hence, why I buy novels on Abebooks instead of Amazon or eBay. If you don't know what that is, you didn't do college right. Seriously. You could have saved HUNDREDS.
Maybe I'll do a post on how much you could have saved if you used Abebooks or some other book site. No, not Barnes & Noble or Borders. Remember Borders? Ahh, the good ole days.
Long story short, I don't really know what to do with my life. What are my goals? Dreams? Aspirations? My teacher always asked that. "Any questions? Hopes? Wishes? Dreams? Aspirations?" Something like that.
I shipped something to my old address in Riverside when I went to UCR. I graduated about a year and a half ago.
More on that in another post.
That got me thinking, a lot of my friends are already married and have kids, and I don't even have a boyfriend!
My co-worker was talking about Star Trek and he jokingly said, "You're too young for that!" I haven't watched any of the Star Wars, Star Trek, or Lord of the Rings movies. I know, I'm a horrible person. In my defence, I have watched all of the Harry Potter movies multiple times and have the books (in pristine condition, might I add).
Sometimes, I feel like life moves way too fast for us to catch up. It's almost like trying to catch a train when you forgot to wake up in time.
Literally my life. Every single day.
I still live with my parents. At least two of my co-workers still do. The same two co-workers are also in their mid-to-late-20s.
I'm honestly scared to live on my own. I could, I mean I did it for almost four years. Somewhat. Parents are always gonna be parents.
There's so many things I'm still trying to figure out. And living on your own comes many responsibilities. Groceries, rent, bills. It takes up most of the weekends since you're on the 9-5 grind on weekdays.
I just don't know if I could handle all that. I mean, I DO want to move out. Don't get me wrong. Just all that added pressure. I don't know if I'm ready for that.
That and plus, rent and bills and all that is really expensive and I still have a college "broke life" mentality. Hence, why I buy novels on Abebooks instead of Amazon or eBay. If you don't know what that is, you didn't do college right. Seriously. You could have saved HUNDREDS.
Maybe I'll do a post on how much you could have saved if you used Abebooks or some other book site. No, not Barnes & Noble or Borders. Remember Borders? Ahh, the good ole days.
Saturday, December 29, 2018
Why I Broke Up With My Boyrfiend
So I mentioned I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. Some of you might wonder why. Long story short, I was never really truly happy with the relationship for many reasons. Sit tight, grab a drink and maybe enjoy. This is about to get interesting.
So we met online. But not in the way you might think. Someone started a Facebook group of all of the UCR freshmen. And both him and I along with many other UCR to-be-freshmen (at the time) joined that group. And then I created another one but specific to our class and major. And again, him and a bunch of other to-be-UCR freshmen joined. And somehow, through some form of communication, he got my Skype info and I got his and we communicated that way at first. And then not long after, we met in Chinatown. I know, out of all places. But this was just as friends.
Fast forward a couple months, I was locking my bike to the bike racks near the dorms and he said hi, and my parents just so happened to be there and being the nice person I am, I said hi back. My parents eventually hated him.
Then he invited me over to his dorm to hang out. I remember one of his hallmates actually asked us how long we've known each other and we were like "We just met, but we're like already best friends." Later that day, there was always this big event at the start of the school year that we went to and he asked me out there and I awkwardly said yes, but in my mind I wanted to say no. I just didn't get a good vibe from him (you know how I mentioned how I got a good vibe from my co-worker? This was the COMPLETE opposite), but I was so caught up in the moment and with the idea of having a boyfriend that I just didn't really think straight at the time.
The first three years were fine. We didn't really get into any arguments, we were really nice to each other, he got me stuff, and I got him stuff, and we did normal couple-y stuff. I was still caught up in the whole idea of having a boyfriend that I didn't really understand what I really wanted. He also helped me figure out college and helped me with many assignments and things that I didn't know, so I'm grateful for that part. I remember actually crying back in winter break of freshmen year since I couldn't see him every day. I was so stupid back then and so smitten.
Everything went downhill the next two years. We fought a lot, he always got angry with me, and started physically hurting me because I would never listen. He also broke a few of my things and I would lie to my parents about it because I didn't want them to do anything to hurt him.
He took control of what I could and couldn't do. I started watching Chinese dramas as a sort of escape from all my drama, and he didn't want me doing that. I once chose watching dramas over him because I didn't want to deal with him. To this day, I will never regret that decision. He got so mad that he said to choose him or watching Chinese dramas. He would never get mad if I watched American dramas (I watched Pretty Little Liars almost every week), so why did he get mad over that? I did spend an entire summer obsessing over Aaron Yan from Just You and Fall in Love with Me and downloading so many Chinese songs, so I could see where he was coming from. I eventually stopped watching Chinese dramas for maybe a year, and then I created a secret Twitter account just so I could fangirl about Chinese and Taiwanese dramas as well as a secret Instagram account (I created a different one later since he had me delete that one). I also secretly watched Taiwanese dramas and created both a DramaFever and a Viki account. He later found out about those too. The Twitter account is still active, but I rarely post on it since work gets in the way. I felt like he just took control of too many aspects of my life that I wasn't even living MY life.
My parents were a small reason why we broke up as well. They didn't really like him, since they said he was too short and wasn't really "handsome" to their liking. He also wasn't Chinese (or at least not in their minds). His parents spoke Chinese, but also Cambodian. He had a little brother that was younger than almost half his age, and even though I liked him, I felt like I wanted us time, and my ex was always dragging him along in our "dates".
One of the last times we hung out, I was so ready to break up with him, but he kept giving me reasons to stay together. Like how I would never find another Asian who was taller than me and who is as nice as he is and tolerates my weirdness. My co-worker is all of those things. Minus the Asian and height.
I think the last time we hung out as a "date" was to see The Lego Batman Movie or some movie. He brought me pasta or some food he either made or got from his work. That was nice. And he wanted to like make out or something in his car and I just didn't feel like it. It was then I realised I needed to end it. I was just so tired of his games. It was just too much. I couldn't take it anymore.
He saw me one last time at work. He worked at Marina Del Ray at the time, and I couldn't just take one or two hours off just to see him. We were already understaffed as it is. We still are. I didn't really talk to him because I had nothing to say. We were done.
I still have a bunch of his stuff. Mostly toys. I just don't want to find the time to drop them off at Goodwill's. I blocked him on all social media platforms. He knows where I live, and I know where he lives. Hopefully he won't come knocking for answers because I'm not giving him any.
Goodbye, next.
So we met online. But not in the way you might think. Someone started a Facebook group of all of the UCR freshmen. And both him and I along with many other UCR to-be-freshmen (at the time) joined that group. And then I created another one but specific to our class and major. And again, him and a bunch of other to-be-UCR freshmen joined. And somehow, through some form of communication, he got my Skype info and I got his and we communicated that way at first. And then not long after, we met in Chinatown. I know, out of all places. But this was just as friends.
Fast forward a couple months, I was locking my bike to the bike racks near the dorms and he said hi, and my parents just so happened to be there and being the nice person I am, I said hi back. My parents eventually hated him.
Then he invited me over to his dorm to hang out. I remember one of his hallmates actually asked us how long we've known each other and we were like "We just met, but we're like already best friends." Later that day, there was always this big event at the start of the school year that we went to and he asked me out there and I awkwardly said yes, but in my mind I wanted to say no. I just didn't get a good vibe from him (you know how I mentioned how I got a good vibe from my co-worker? This was the COMPLETE opposite), but I was so caught up in the moment and with the idea of having a boyfriend that I just didn't really think straight at the time.
The first three years were fine. We didn't really get into any arguments, we were really nice to each other, he got me stuff, and I got him stuff, and we did normal couple-y stuff. I was still caught up in the whole idea of having a boyfriend that I didn't really understand what I really wanted. He also helped me figure out college and helped me with many assignments and things that I didn't know, so I'm grateful for that part. I remember actually crying back in winter break of freshmen year since I couldn't see him every day. I was so stupid back then and so smitten.
Everything went downhill the next two years. We fought a lot, he always got angry with me, and started physically hurting me because I would never listen. He also broke a few of my things and I would lie to my parents about it because I didn't want them to do anything to hurt him.
He took control of what I could and couldn't do. I started watching Chinese dramas as a sort of escape from all my drama, and he didn't want me doing that. I once chose watching dramas over him because I didn't want to deal with him. To this day, I will never regret that decision. He got so mad that he said to choose him or watching Chinese dramas. He would never get mad if I watched American dramas (I watched Pretty Little Liars almost every week), so why did he get mad over that? I did spend an entire summer obsessing over Aaron Yan from Just You and Fall in Love with Me and downloading so many Chinese songs, so I could see where he was coming from. I eventually stopped watching Chinese dramas for maybe a year, and then I created a secret Twitter account just so I could fangirl about Chinese and Taiwanese dramas as well as a secret Instagram account (I created a different one later since he had me delete that one). I also secretly watched Taiwanese dramas and created both a DramaFever and a Viki account. He later found out about those too. The Twitter account is still active, but I rarely post on it since work gets in the way. I felt like he just took control of too many aspects of my life that I wasn't even living MY life.
My parents were a small reason why we broke up as well. They didn't really like him, since they said he was too short and wasn't really "handsome" to their liking. He also wasn't Chinese (or at least not in their minds). His parents spoke Chinese, but also Cambodian. He had a little brother that was younger than almost half his age, and even though I liked him, I felt like I wanted us time, and my ex was always dragging him along in our "dates".
One of the last times we hung out, I was so ready to break up with him, but he kept giving me reasons to stay together. Like how I would never find another Asian who was taller than me and who is as nice as he is and tolerates my weirdness. My co-worker is all of those things. Minus the Asian and height.
I think the last time we hung out as a "date" was to see The Lego Batman Movie or some movie. He brought me pasta or some food he either made or got from his work. That was nice. And he wanted to like make out or something in his car and I just didn't feel like it. It was then I realised I needed to end it. I was just so tired of his games. It was just too much. I couldn't take it anymore.
He saw me one last time at work. He worked at Marina Del Ray at the time, and I couldn't just take one or two hours off just to see him. We were already understaffed as it is. We still are. I didn't really talk to him because I had nothing to say. We were done.
I still have a bunch of his stuff. Mostly toys. I just don't want to find the time to drop them off at Goodwill's. I blocked him on all social media platforms. He knows where I live, and I know where he lives. Hopefully he won't come knocking for answers because I'm not giving him any.
Goodbye, next.
So, I Got a Job...What Now?
(I somehow forgot to post this a LONGGGGG time ago)
So yeah, I got a job the other day. I should be happy, but I'm more confused than happy. Do I like it? I'm not sure yet.
Like is a very strong word. It's a word you use to describe something you believe fully in, something you have strong feeling towards. I can't say for sure if I "like" my job. But I will say that I do find myself thinking, if I didn't accept this job, what would I do?
You could say I'm a dreamer. In fact, I'm more than a dreamer. I'm a firm believer in chasing your dreams and overcoming obstacles along the way. But sometimes, I forget that I need to apply that to myself too. I chase too many dreams at once. I have many ideas I want to put out there, but instead of going for those ideas, I think of the many ways that those ideas could go wrong.
I guess I'm more pessimistic than I am optimistic. I guess I tend to look at the downside of things more than the flip-side. Which is probably why I feel so confused. And can't decide things. It might also be because I've let other people choose for me, so I guess I just "chose" a practical major.
I also don't feel like I want to quit just yet, because if I do, I won't be bringing food on the table so to speak. I know that if you want to chase your dreams, you have to put it your all, but sometimes, you also gotta have a backup plan.
All that plus, I've been trying to distract myself from getting a job because I honestly had NO CLUE what the eff I wanted to do after college. I've been trying to distract myself from applying to jobs because I didn't know if I'd like it or not.
And actually, I was actually enjoying my dining job because I really liked interacting with customers. Maybe that's what I like. Interacting with customers, face to face. So hospitality? I'm not sure yet. But I'm getting there, slowly but surely.
So yeah, I got a job the other day. I should be happy, but I'm more confused than happy. Do I like it? I'm not sure yet.
Like is a very strong word. It's a word you use to describe something you believe fully in, something you have strong feeling towards. I can't say for sure if I "like" my job. But I will say that I do find myself thinking, if I didn't accept this job, what would I do?
You could say I'm a dreamer. In fact, I'm more than a dreamer. I'm a firm believer in chasing your dreams and overcoming obstacles along the way. But sometimes, I forget that I need to apply that to myself too. I chase too many dreams at once. I have many ideas I want to put out there, but instead of going for those ideas, I think of the many ways that those ideas could go wrong.
I guess I'm more pessimistic than I am optimistic. I guess I tend to look at the downside of things more than the flip-side. Which is probably why I feel so confused. And can't decide things. It might also be because I've let other people choose for me, so I guess I just "chose" a practical major.
I also don't feel like I want to quit just yet, because if I do, I won't be bringing food on the table so to speak. I know that if you want to chase your dreams, you have to put it your all, but sometimes, you also gotta have a backup plan.
All that plus, I've been trying to distract myself from getting a job because I honestly had NO CLUE what the eff I wanted to do after college. I've been trying to distract myself from applying to jobs because I didn't know if I'd like it or not.
And actually, I was actually enjoying my dining job because I really liked interacting with customers. Maybe that's what I like. Interacting with customers, face to face. So hospitality? I'm not sure yet. But I'm getting there, slowly but surely.
What Are We?
So, you that that same co-worker I've been mentioning? It's been a good few months since my last post about him, so thought I'd give you a quick update.
We used to bite each other's heads off, OBVIOUSLY, in a playful manner. And now, we've kind of tolerated each other a little bit more. Although I did FINALLY get his number like almost a month ago. Which was funny cuz I indirectly gave him mine during Halloween as an excuse to give him jelly beans.
Quick digression. So I gave him my number indirectly on the back of a post-it note cuz we have tons of those at work as an excuse to give him my jelly beans that I have at home since I can't really eat jelly beans anymore. Root canal. Not fun. Anyways, I gave him two bags of jelly beans in Ziploc bags and on the first bag, I stuck a post-it note and wrote "Happy Halloween!" and on the second bag, I stuck a post-it and wrote "Thanks for being an awesome co-worker and putting up with me. You're pretty cool! Let's hang out sometime!" and I gave him my number. I contemplated that for THE LONGEST TIME since I wasn't sure if he would see it, which he didn't...for about a month.
Flash forward almost a month, I just got back from lunch, and he messages me "I just saw that post it note you stuck on the back. Believe me, if I had seen that, I would have spammed you with cat pics" and I was so confused cuz I was in work mode.
So yeah, I FINALLY managed to get his number. I don't know. I've always gotten a good vibe from him. Since he's only like two years older than I am. Like I really want to hang out with him, but I just can't figure out how to ask. And cuz I feel like now would be a bad time to ask since he's like switching meds or something like that. We tell each other some really deep shit.
ANYWAYS, that's not what I meant to talk about. So I feel like now, we can stand each other a bit more. And we only decide to kill each other depending on the workload. Recently, work has been pretty light, so we joke around a lot more than we did a few weeks ago when it was crazy busy. He also does this thing recently where he'll come up an just randomly poke me. I've gotten him back maybe like once or twice.
I feel like now, we've kind of hit a stagnant point in terms of snappy remarks and whatnot, but I feel like I'm meaner to him than he is to me. Here's a few examples.
Him: I don't know why I just can't get warm.
Me: It's probably cuz you have a cold soul.
Him: Wow, that's harsh.
Him: (hears the fax machine go off) Really?
Me: It loves you.
Him: I don't want it to!
Me: It wants your love!
Him: Why does he keep calling me?
Me: Because he loves you!
Him: Love me less!
Me: He thinks otherwise.
He gives me something to approve.
Me: (approves it)
Him: Thank you.
Me: You're not welcome. (I've said this more than once.)
Him: Oh, that hurts. (And he's said some variation of that.)
Him: (walks in) Jenny, you're a terrible person.
Me: What did I ever do to you?
Him: I just wanted you to know that.
Him: Jenny, you're a terrible person. (version 2)
Me: I know, that's why I can be mean to you back.
Him: Wow, harsh.
Manager: (talking about some system upgrade)
This was also at some off-site another co-worker arranged.
Him: Well that what am I gonna do all day?
Me: Complain.
Him: Wow, really? We're not even at work at you have the energy to throw me under the bus?
So yeah, we have our share of snappy remarks and comments. We get along that way. It's a special relationship we share.
"Because you're my favourite!"
We used to bite each other's heads off, OBVIOUSLY, in a playful manner. And now, we've kind of tolerated each other a little bit more. Although I did FINALLY get his number like almost a month ago. Which was funny cuz I indirectly gave him mine during Halloween as an excuse to give him jelly beans.
Quick digression. So I gave him my number indirectly on the back of a post-it note cuz we have tons of those at work as an excuse to give him my jelly beans that I have at home since I can't really eat jelly beans anymore. Root canal. Not fun. Anyways, I gave him two bags of jelly beans in Ziploc bags and on the first bag, I stuck a post-it note and wrote "Happy Halloween!" and on the second bag, I stuck a post-it and wrote "Thanks for being an awesome co-worker and putting up with me. You're pretty cool! Let's hang out sometime!" and I gave him my number. I contemplated that for THE LONGEST TIME since I wasn't sure if he would see it, which he didn't...for about a month.
Flash forward almost a month, I just got back from lunch, and he messages me "I just saw that post it note you stuck on the back. Believe me, if I had seen that, I would have spammed you with cat pics" and I was so confused cuz I was in work mode.
So yeah, I FINALLY managed to get his number. I don't know. I've always gotten a good vibe from him. Since he's only like two years older than I am. Like I really want to hang out with him, but I just can't figure out how to ask. And cuz I feel like now would be a bad time to ask since he's like switching meds or something like that. We tell each other some really deep shit.
ANYWAYS, that's not what I meant to talk about. So I feel like now, we can stand each other a bit more. And we only decide to kill each other depending on the workload. Recently, work has been pretty light, so we joke around a lot more than we did a few weeks ago when it was crazy busy. He also does this thing recently where he'll come up an just randomly poke me. I've gotten him back maybe like once or twice.
I feel like now, we've kind of hit a stagnant point in terms of snappy remarks and whatnot, but I feel like I'm meaner to him than he is to me. Here's a few examples.
Him: I don't know why I just can't get warm.
Me: It's probably cuz you have a cold soul.
Him: Wow, that's harsh.
Him: (hears the fax machine go off) Really?
Me: It loves you.
Him: I don't want it to!
Me: It wants your love!
Him: Why does he keep calling me?
Me: Because he loves you!
Him: Love me less!
Me: He thinks otherwise.
He gives me something to approve.
Me: (approves it)
Him: Thank you.
Me: You're not welcome. (I've said this more than once.)
Him: Oh, that hurts. (And he's said some variation of that.)
Him: (walks in) Jenny, you're a terrible person.
Me: What did I ever do to you?
Him: I just wanted you to know that.
Him: Jenny, you're a terrible person. (version 2)
Me: I know, that's why I can be mean to you back.
Him: Wow, harsh.
Manager: (talking about some system upgrade)
This was also at some off-site another co-worker arranged.
Him: Well that what am I gonna do all day?
Me: Complain.
Him: Wow, really? We're not even at work at you have the energy to throw me under the bus?
So yeah, we have our share of snappy remarks and comments. We get along that way. It's a special relationship we share.
"Because you're my favourite!"
Thursday, August 16, 2018
Super confusing.
Update on the "Guys are so confusing" post.
So that same co-worker IM'd me today (I'm usually the one IMing him to remind him of certain things) asking if he could help on anything. After a while, a bunch of people bombarded me with all sorts of requests, and because today was a super slow day, I had him input and verify some of my the incoming wires, which is my primary job. And long story short, I end up telling him how to do everything since he hasn't really done it since I last taught him, which was a long time ago. And then I ask him to do an extra few steps, which he then says, "Want me to wax your car with it?" or something like that and I ignore him for a while, since I was busy. And then he says something like the wise ass response was supposed to be yes, and dress my tires as well. Like I'm supposed to know that. And then sarcastically, I say "Yes please, and clean my room and make me food as well" sarcastically. And surprisingly, he replies something like "If that's your way of asking me out, I'm cool with it. But just know I go big." Something like that. I wasn't expecting that.
And then he got annoyed at me because I forgot something, but then I found out he was mistaken. Whew.
Sidenote, my manager just came back from vacation and he used to work at this one company so he has connections, so we all got new keyboards. I'm a pretty tall person. More on that my third grade story later. And when tall people try to fit under a table, it ain't the cutest thing in the world. Bumps here and there, it's pretty tiring. Believe me, I know. So I'm trying to unplug my old keyboard and install my new keyboard in the computer, and I bump here and there, fall a few times, and finally get the thing to work. He then asks if I'm good, okay, that sort of language at least three times. Yeah, it was painfully tiring (literally).
So then we have this competition between a few of our company's teams. Our team didn't end up winning, but that's beside the point. Since he's usually the first one to get here, he left around 5 PM, and got changed (according to him) and came back to see the competition. This is the part it gets a bit cringey.
So he comes to the event in like jeans and a button up and converse. Lucky. But hey, I don't really want to get up at 6 AM and go to work at 7 AM. Anyways, I'm like in a group almost with my co-workers and he and my manager (who also happens to arrive at the same time) walk up and say hi. He then stands next to me and my other co-worker, and while my other co-worker gets food, we kinda just stand there really awkwardly cuz we don't know what to say to each other.
A few minutes pass by and I really don't wanna finish my ice cream (it was too sweet) and I didn't like the gummy worms in it, so I asked if he wanted it, since he tends to snack on sour straws a lot. At first he wanted it, but I guess he thinks he might be allergic to strawberry (there was strawberry ice cream on the bottom). That was probably the only conversation we had the entire time.
So that same co-worker IM'd me today (I'm usually the one IMing him to remind him of certain things) asking if he could help on anything. After a while, a bunch of people bombarded me with all sorts of requests, and because today was a super slow day, I had him input and verify some of my the incoming wires, which is my primary job. And long story short, I end up telling him how to do everything since he hasn't really done it since I last taught him, which was a long time ago. And then I ask him to do an extra few steps, which he then says, "Want me to wax your car with it?" or something like that and I ignore him for a while, since I was busy. And then he says something like the wise ass response was supposed to be yes, and dress my tires as well. Like I'm supposed to know that. And then sarcastically, I say "Yes please, and clean my room and make me food as well" sarcastically. And surprisingly, he replies something like "If that's your way of asking me out, I'm cool with it. But just know I go big." Something like that. I wasn't expecting that.
And then he got annoyed at me because I forgot something, but then I found out he was mistaken. Whew.
Sidenote, my manager just came back from vacation and he used to work at this one company so he has connections, so we all got new keyboards. I'm a pretty tall person. More on that my third grade story later. And when tall people try to fit under a table, it ain't the cutest thing in the world. Bumps here and there, it's pretty tiring. Believe me, I know. So I'm trying to unplug my old keyboard and install my new keyboard in the computer, and I bump here and there, fall a few times, and finally get the thing to work. He then asks if I'm good, okay, that sort of language at least three times. Yeah, it was painfully tiring (literally).
So then we have this competition between a few of our company's teams. Our team didn't end up winning, but that's beside the point. Since he's usually the first one to get here, he left around 5 PM, and got changed (according to him) and came back to see the competition. This is the part it gets a bit cringey.
So he comes to the event in like jeans and a button up and converse. Lucky. But hey, I don't really want to get up at 6 AM and go to work at 7 AM. Anyways, I'm like in a group almost with my co-workers and he and my manager (who also happens to arrive at the same time) walk up and say hi. He then stands next to me and my other co-worker, and while my other co-worker gets food, we kinda just stand there really awkwardly cuz we don't know what to say to each other.
A few minutes pass by and I really don't wanna finish my ice cream (it was too sweet) and I didn't like the gummy worms in it, so I asked if he wanted it, since he tends to snack on sour straws a lot. At first he wanted it, but I guess he thinks he might be allergic to strawberry (there was strawberry ice cream on the bottom). That was probably the only conversation we had the entire time.
Sunday, August 12, 2018
Guys are so confusing
Need I say more? Girls, you know what's up.
So, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. More on that in a future post. So yes, I'm single again. I kinda miss being single and doing whatever you want whenever you want. All four years of college, I basically did everything with my ex-boyfriend and ended up not really enjoying life to the fullest. Life is short, so you know, YOLO.
Anyways, what I wanted to talk about was that guys. Are fricking confusing. They do one thing, and it means this, and then they go ahead and forget that they even did it and leave you hanging. Like what?!
So there's this guy at work who I think has a crush on me since I think he thinks that I like him because I always help him look out for emails that gets sent to our group inbox.
We have two inboxes we need to manage, our team inbox and our personal inbox. We don't always have time to manage two inboxes along with all of our daily work that also needs to get done. We also use Skype (Lync) to communicate with each other.
Back to the story. So I usually will help him out with managing some of the emails that we get, and we get A LOT of email flooded to our team inbox, some of which we're just copied for some odd reason. So I'll usually Skype message him certain emails or things that he needs to look out for, since we all miss an email or two sometimes. So I guess he thought that by me looking out for some of the emails and tasks that it meant that I might have liked him? Oh, and he also joined a few months after I "officially" started. So I guess we're like the two newbies.
So one day, I message him something, I forget what it was, but I think that day, it was a really slow day, and I was sending him emoticons (yes, not emojis) instead of replying cos I find that easier sometimes, depending on the situation.
So then he replies something like "You're really cute and all, but I don't speak smiley!" in which I read after I had send the (headbang) emoticon, so I guess I was confusing him cos after that he said that I was confusing him.
That same day, he got annoyed because everything that could have gone wrong, WENT WRONG. To add onto that, our manager was on vacation, and we couldn't get a hold of him, so everything just went berserk.
We're also a bit short-staffed, so whenever he takes lunch, my co-worker and I have to pitch in to handle his work for an hour or so. Apparently, one of us didn't keep an eye on certain things, and he got annoyed. Again.
"I don't know if I mentioned this, but when you guys are covering for me, could you please ...?" in which I answered a simple, "Sure." I was also fed up with all of that day's work.
Confidential information I'm not allowed to share. It's a regulatory thing.
So the same day, a few hours later, I'm done with MOST of my work and offered to help out on some of his work. And then I guess he wants me to add something, so I do, and ask my supervisor to help out. Meanwhile, I finished part of what he handed me, and he also happens to come over and put his elbow on my head. "...I'm just putting my elbow on your head" As if that's normal between co-workers. I just brush it off.
Before I say anything else, I also want to say, he asks me to print some stuff for him sometimes, since he doesn't have the application to do so. One time, he said, "Jenny, my favourite person in the world," which I just brushed off, since I think the 3 other people who do have access to the same application couldn't be bothered to help him with a small request.
I also want to add, he usually is listening to music most of the time.
The next day, I didn't see him listen to any kind of music. he also happened to be wearing the same colour as I did that day, which I found a bit odd. Whatever, maybe that's just me.
TL;DR
Guys are so confusing. They do one thing and it makes you assume something and then they do the opposite and you're like what?
So, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. More on that in a future post. So yes, I'm single again. I kinda miss being single and doing whatever you want whenever you want. All four years of college, I basically did everything with my ex-boyfriend and ended up not really enjoying life to the fullest. Life is short, so you know, YOLO.
Anyways, what I wanted to talk about was that guys. Are fricking confusing. They do one thing, and it means this, and then they go ahead and forget that they even did it and leave you hanging. Like what?!
So there's this guy at work who I think has a crush on me since I think he thinks that I like him because I always help him look out for emails that gets sent to our group inbox.
We have two inboxes we need to manage, our team inbox and our personal inbox. We don't always have time to manage two inboxes along with all of our daily work that also needs to get done. We also use Skype (Lync) to communicate with each other.
Back to the story. So I usually will help him out with managing some of the emails that we get, and we get A LOT of email flooded to our team inbox, some of which we're just copied for some odd reason. So I'll usually Skype message him certain emails or things that he needs to look out for, since we all miss an email or two sometimes. So I guess he thought that by me looking out for some of the emails and tasks that it meant that I might have liked him? Oh, and he also joined a few months after I "officially" started. So I guess we're like the two newbies.
So one day, I message him something, I forget what it was, but I think that day, it was a really slow day, and I was sending him emoticons (yes, not emojis) instead of replying cos I find that easier sometimes, depending on the situation.
So then he replies something like "You're really cute and all, but I don't speak smiley!" in which I read after I had send the (headbang) emoticon, so I guess I was confusing him cos after that he said that I was confusing him.
That same day, he got annoyed because everything that could have gone wrong, WENT WRONG. To add onto that, our manager was on vacation, and we couldn't get a hold of him, so everything just went berserk.
We're also a bit short-staffed, so whenever he takes lunch, my co-worker and I have to pitch in to handle his work for an hour or so. Apparently, one of us didn't keep an eye on certain things, and he got annoyed. Again.
"I don't know if I mentioned this, but when you guys are covering for me, could you please ...?" in which I answered a simple, "Sure." I was also fed up with all of that day's work.
Confidential information I'm not allowed to share. It's a regulatory thing.
So the same day, a few hours later, I'm done with MOST of my work and offered to help out on some of his work. And then I guess he wants me to add something, so I do, and ask my supervisor to help out. Meanwhile, I finished part of what he handed me, and he also happens to come over and put his elbow on my head. "...I'm just putting my elbow on your head" As if that's normal between co-workers. I just brush it off.
Before I say anything else, I also want to say, he asks me to print some stuff for him sometimes, since he doesn't have the application to do so. One time, he said, "Jenny, my favourite person in the world," which I just brushed off, since I think the 3 other people who do have access to the same application couldn't be bothered to help him with a small request.
I also want to add, he usually is listening to music most of the time.
The next day, I didn't see him listen to any kind of music. he also happened to be wearing the same colour as I did that day, which I found a bit odd. Whatever, maybe that's just me.
TL;DR
Guys are so confusing. They do one thing and it makes you assume something and then they do the opposite and you're like what?
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Not Fair
Okay, so now it's illegal for teachers to force students to buy books right>
If so, my math teacher told us,"You have to go and buy the [Practice Exam] book."
Doesn't that make it illegal for teachers to say that?
So can I sue her for saying that?
And yes, I hate my math teacher. She's horrible.
If so, my math teacher told us,"You have to go and buy the [Practice Exam] book."
Doesn't that make it illegal for teachers to say that?
So can I sue her for saying that?
And yes, I hate my math teacher. She's horrible.
Pissed Off
You know what really pisses me off?
I'm going to college next fall, and college requires placement tests.
Just when I think no more SAT/ACT-type tests. BAM! Another one comes along the way.
So, I applied to a lot of Cal States and UCs.
For me, I don't need to take the Cal State placement tests, Yay me!
But....
I do need to take the placement tests for the UCs. Fuck.
But that's not what pisses me off the most.
THEIR REQUIREMENTS.
They need: 680 SAT Writing, 30 ACT English
I got: 670 SAT Writing, 29 ACT English
Do you know how mad I am????
I'm so freaking pissed!!!!!!!!!
asdfghjkl;fdsklahgkdfjasflkk >:((((((
So freaking mad!!!!!!
It's literally like one freaking question for that one point.
I really wanna petition to have a +/- 10 point difference SAT, +/- 1 point for the ACT,
Like in my case, i got a 670 instead of a 680. If there were a 10 point difference, I wouldn't have to take it. :)
Same thing goes for the ACT.
But...
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHKJFUIL:KLHLKHLKH!!!!!!
@#$%*!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SO FREAKING MADDDDD!!!!
I'm going to college next fall, and college requires placement tests.
Just when I think no more SAT/ACT-type tests. BAM! Another one comes along the way.
So, I applied to a lot of Cal States and UCs.
For me, I don't need to take the Cal State placement tests, Yay me!
But....
I do need to take the placement tests for the UCs. Fuck.
But that's not what pisses me off the most.
THEIR REQUIREMENTS.
They need: 680 SAT Writing, 30 ACT English
I got: 670 SAT Writing, 29 ACT English
Do you know how mad I am????
I'm so freaking pissed!!!!!!!!!
asdfghjkl;fdsklahgkdfjasflkk >:((((((
So freaking mad!!!!!!
It's literally like one freaking question for that one point.
I really wanna petition to have a +/- 10 point difference SAT, +/- 1 point for the ACT,
Like in my case, i got a 670 instead of a 680. If there were a 10 point difference, I wouldn't have to take it. :)
Same thing goes for the ACT.
But...
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHKJFUIL:KLHLKHLKH!!!!!!
@#$%*!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SO FREAKING MADDDDD!!!!
Monday, April 8, 2013
Remember Me?
Remember Me
09.07.09
i was the girl who never talked
and always knew the wrong ways to walk
rarely late to clssS
and always wondering who that was
never rode The school bus, always in a fuss
i was always hurrying tO get to class
on time, it's not about the sass
why do i feel so?
chorus
do you remember me?
the girl who
you hated, loved, Picked on every time
you never Talk to me, oh that's fine
i always obsEssed with this and that
you never liked me, you'd Always want to bite me
i was always in one Spot, never really talked to others
never tried out for the play, dIdn't have the guts
do you remember me Now?
never had best friends, didn't talk to me much
everyone i encounter Gives me a weird touch
why is it always Me?
i'm always left out in your dreams
You and your friends go out and form your clique
where do i fit in, am I just someone who used to be in your class?
repeat chorus
the girl in the clouds wants to come out
and show people who she really is
i'm not just a girl from your chemistry class
the girl who sits next to you has changed
she is afraid of being in the dark
to come out and show who you are
thinking your ways may not have been your best ways
chorus
do you remember me?
not some random girl from your class,
but me as i really am, not who you think of me
being used to hate me, pick on mE
time to think twice before you see
me as i am and nothing else
not about what everyone thinks
Do you remember me?
I was the forgotten girl
Now I'm about to take over the world
Friday, April 5, 2013
Why?
Why?
07.27.09
07.27.09
Oh, I’m just an average girl
Growing up in a big big world
Wish I could just hide if away and smile
I’m just a girl
Wish I could know about the whole world
Living in a big twirl
Oh, why, why, why?
Growing up in a big big world
Wish I could just hide if away and smile
I’m just a girl
Wish I could know about the whole world
Living in a big twirl
Oh, why, why, why?
Chorus
Why can’t I learn about everything?
Form growing up to all the bling
Why can’t I learn how people are?
From making money to becoming great big stars?
Why, why, why? Just tell me why
Why cant I be questioning
How people come from being the next big thing
To becoming who they are, these this work of art
Why, why, why? Just tell me why
Why can’t I learn about everything?
Form growing up to all the bling
Why can’t I learn how people are?
From making money to becoming great big stars?
Why, why, why? Just tell me why
Why cant I be questioning
How people come from being the next big thing
To becoming who they are, these this work of art
Why, why, why? Just tell me why
I go places I shouldn’t have gone
From going to movies to coming back at the break of dawn
I know, I know I was slow
I was late to class ‘most every day
Is this work and no play?
Just an average day for me
From going to movies to coming back at the break of dawn
I know, I know I was slow
I was late to class ‘most every day
Is this work and no play?
Just an average day for me
Repeat Chorus
Why can’t I just take a part
In everything from the start
I dunno why, just weird being me
I was fifteen when suddenly
I wasn’t that middle school girl anymore
I’m starting high school, a whole new world
For me, it’s still like you’re the little one in the crowd
Oh, why, why, why?
Why can’t I just take a part
In everything from the start
I dunno why, just weird being me
I was fifteen when suddenly
I wasn’t that middle school girl anymore
I’m starting high school, a whole new world
For me, it’s still like you’re the little one in the crowd
Oh, why, why, why?
Chorus
Why can’t I learn everything?
From being cool to all those crazy things
Surrounding me, all though me
Why can’t I just take some pride
In my work and in my life?
Oh, why, why, why?
Why can’t I learn everything?
From being cool to all those crazy things
Surrounding me, all though me
Why can’t I just take some pride
In my work and in my life?
Oh, why, why, why?
I’m not gonna know if you won’t understand
Me the way I am and nothing else
Oh, why, why, why?
I’m not gonna show if you don’t tell
That you know about me, and ring the bell
Just tell me
Me the way I am and nothing else
Oh, why, why, why?
I’m not gonna show if you don’t tell
That you know about me, and ring the bell
Just tell me
Fourteen
I wrote this around the same time that Taylor Swift’s Fifteen came out.
Fourteen
05.24.09
05.24.09
It’s the last year at middle school
Some people, some people just wanna be cool
Just soy back and relax, ditching school
Not a smart move
I wanna get good grades, be good till the end
I wanna graduate and stay and be friends
A lot of things going on
Some people, some people just wanna be cool
Just soy back and relax, ditching school
Not a smart move
I wanna get good grades, be good till the end
I wanna graduate and stay and be friends
A lot of things going on
Chorus
When you’re fourteen, you dunno what to do
When you’re fourteen, so many things to do in school
Theres graduation, school dances, cutting in line, disobeying
Taking the lead in everything, so it seems
There are so many things to worry about
Getting good grades to graduate
(sigh) Who am I?
When you’re fourteen, you dunno what to do
When you’re fourteen, so many things to do in school
Theres graduation, school dances, cutting in line, disobeying
Taking the lead in everything, so it seems
There are so many things to worry about
Getting good grades to graduate
(sigh) Who am I?
I’ve got friends till the end
Some just faded away
School events, I don’t participate
Just the promotion party
What to wear?
Dressy casual.
I look in the closet
Rummaged through NY clothes, made a ruckus
I go shopping for clothes, go to the mall
To see if there is anything at all
Some just faded away
School events, I don’t participate
Just the promotion party
What to wear?
Dressy casual.
I look in the closet
Rummaged through NY clothes, made a ruckus
I go shopping for clothes, go to the mall
To see if there is anything at all
Repeat Chorus
I’m an average teenager
Trying to find her my way in this crazy world
Trying my best to get good grades
Working hard, sometimes till eight
I don’t know how
Some people go out and rom about
And still do well in school
But when you’re fourteen, you don’t really know what to do
When you’re fourteen, don’t forget
That it mau be your last year with all your friends
Trying to find her my way in this crazy world
Trying my best to get good grades
Working hard, sometimes till eight
I don’t know how
Some people go out and rom about
And still do well in school
But when you’re fourteen, you don’t really know what to do
When you’re fourteen, don’t forget
That it mau be your last year with all your friends
I’ve learnt so much that I may explode
Taking tests, what a load
Taking tests, what a load
Chorus
When you’re fourteen, and you don’t know what to do
With your friends, guy problems
At fourteen
Practicing for graduation, so tiring
Just get it over with
Saying goodbye to all your friends
You won’t see them for a year
When you’re fourteen
When you’re fourteen, and you don’t know what to do
With your friends, guy problems
At fourteen
Practicing for graduation, so tiring
Just get it over with
Saying goodbye to all your friends
You won’t see them for a year
When you’re fourteen
Real Me
I found this in my computer. Kinda old.
Real Me
Jenny Chan
05.10.09
Jenny Chan
05.10.09
There are different girls
Living in different worlds
And there’s always different mes
There’s a school me, a rocker me, a queen bee
A wannabe, an actor me, a singer me,
But the real me is very different
Living in different worlds
And there’s always different mes
There’s a school me, a rocker me, a queen bee
A wannabe, an actor me, a singer me,
But the real me is very different
Chorus
The real me is who I am
It’s all I can be
Living a life, that’s work, work, work
Having a dream, that’s sing, sing, sing
I’m just like all of my friends
Who love music
But I’m a different me in a way
The real me is who I am
It’s all I can be
Living a life, that’s work, work, work
Having a dream, that’s sing, sing, sing
I’m just like all of my friends
Who love music
But I’m a different me in a way
I try to enter the contests in a magazine
But I never tend to win
I’ve tried to call in to Radio Disney
To request a song
But was never on air
The real me wants to meet my idols
The people I love
Jonas, Miley, Demi, and Selena
So many, yet I’ve never
Been to any concert
Wish I could
That I can’t
Cuz
But I never tend to win
I’ve tried to call in to Radio Disney
To request a song
But was never on air
The real me wants to meet my idols
The people I love
Jonas, Miley, Demi, and Selena
So many, yet I’ve never
Been to any concert
Wish I could
That I can’t
Cuz
Repeat Chorus
The real me wants to hang out
After school, but no
I gotta work, work, work
And study, study, study
Hey!
Can’t get my free time
To do what I want?
No cable, watching all the shows on YouTube
As if I could do all of that in a matter of hours
And do all that and Twitter and Facebook too
So much to do
After school, but no
I gotta work, work, work
And study, study, study
Hey!
Can’t get my free time
To do what I want?
No cable, watching all the shows on YouTube
As if I could do all of that in a matter of hours
And do all that and Twitter and Facebook too
So much to do
Chorus
The real me is who I am, who I should be
Um caught in a major dilemma
Don’t know what to do
Wanna be the real me, and still wanna be the me who I wanted to be
The real me is who I am, who I should be
Um caught in a major dilemma
Don’t know what to do
Wanna be the real me, and still wanna be the me who I wanted to be
I am different, yes I am
I can be myself that I am
Th one that I can be
The real me
I just want to be me
The me that I was born with
The me that made me who I am today
The real me
I can be myself that I am
Th one that I can be
The real me
I just want to be me
The me that I was born with
The me that made me who I am today
The real me
Different Me
I just found this in my computer. I wrote this a few years ago, so it's not that great. Enjoy! :)
Different Me
04.20.09
At school, I study hard, get good grades and take a part
Of whatever club I wanna be in
But at home I sing,
Sing my heart out
And live like a rockstar
Chorus
I rock out, I stay out
I'm a different kind of person
I'm stuck at school which is like prison
But I'm a different me at home
I'm living on my own
Don't wanna be bossed around
Wanna do whatever I want
When I'm all alone
I'm stuck at home
Doing whatever work I have
Why is it me?
I can't
Go to parties, and stay out, do whatever I wanna
But why?
I just wanna be myself
Repeat Chorus
I gotta be good
To stay in school
I listen to takeovers, exclusives
Special Acoustics
But I'm a different me at home
When I'm all alone
I go online
The computer's all mine
On the weekends
But studying, it never ends, it never ends
Every day I practice
Singing, just like this
Chorus
I wanna rock out, stay out
And never have a bedtime
I wanna be like a rockstar
I'm just a different me at home
Alone, in my room
I'm a different kinda girl
I'm a different me
I wish I could have my own
Laptop and phone
Instead, I go to summer school
While everyone else plays in the pool
Getting up at seven A.M.
Just wanting to play with all of them
Wish I could just stop
This mess and make it to the top
I'm just a different me on the outside
But inside I'm still the same
An average teenage girl
Living in a crazy world
Feels so hard to stay in school
Don't hafta be cool
Just study, study, study
It never ends, never ends
I wanna be awesome
And have some fun
Just scream and shout everyone!
We're gonna have some fun
I'm a different me, don't you see?
Living in two different worlds
Having fun, and SHOUT!
Different Me
04.20.09
At school, I study hard, get good grades and take a part
Of whatever club I wanna be in
But at home I sing,
Sing my heart out
And live like a rockstar
Chorus
I rock out, I stay out
I'm a different kind of person
I'm stuck at school which is like prison
But I'm a different me at home
I'm living on my own
Don't wanna be bossed around
Wanna do whatever I want
When I'm all alone
I'm stuck at home
Doing whatever work I have
Why is it me?
I can't
Go to parties, and stay out, do whatever I wanna
But why?
I just wanna be myself
Repeat Chorus
I gotta be good
To stay in school
I listen to takeovers, exclusives
Special Acoustics
But I'm a different me at home
When I'm all alone
I go online
The computer's all mine
On the weekends
But studying, it never ends, it never ends
Every day I practice
Singing, just like this
Chorus
I wanna rock out, stay out
And never have a bedtime
I wanna be like a rockstar
I'm just a different me at home
Alone, in my room
I'm a different kinda girl
I'm a different me
I wish I could have my own
Laptop and phone
Instead, I go to summer school
While everyone else plays in the pool
Getting up at seven A.M.
Just wanting to play with all of them
Wish I could just stop
This mess and make it to the top
I'm just a different me on the outside
But inside I'm still the same
An average teenage girl
Living in a crazy world
Feels so hard to stay in school
Don't hafta be cool
Just study, study, study
It never ends, never ends
I wanna be awesome
And have some fun
Just scream and shout everyone!
We're gonna have some fun
I'm a different me, don't you see?
Living in two different worlds
Having fun, and SHOUT!
Sunday, March 10, 2013
#stopthehate
I've been noticing a lot of hate on Twitter directed to one specific person lately: Taylor Swift. Maybe it's just because of the people I follow. I know this is none of my business, but it just kills me to see all this hate. In an ideal world, everyone would get along and there'd be no hate. But this isn't the ideal world. This is real life. And this just happens. Ever since I saw that "I'm breaking up with you, now I'll go make another 2.2 million dollars" quote on FaceBook and Tumblr back when they were dating, I knew there would be even more Taylor Swift hate after they broke up. I saw like five pictures on Instagram of hate picture quotes. Why do people do this? I don't know. Cuz they have nothing better to do. Or maybe cuz they want to. But you can't always get what you want right? This is real life. I posted an entire paragraph on this hate picture on Instagram, and the user deleted it. Why? My thoughts are because he/she doesn't want anyone on Taylor's side because you're a Directioner. But just because you're a Directioner doesn't mean anything related to Taylor Swift. A Direction is a true fan of One Direction; one who will stay by their side no matter what will happen. Those haters of Taylor? Not much of a Directioner, are they? I'm a Directioner and a Swiftie and I respect them all :) Why so much Taylor hate? Not like she did anything wrong. And by wrong, I don't just mean writing songs about her exes. Which by the way, are very clever and witty.
Why so much hate? It's not like they were mean to you. And Directioners who hate Taylor, you're not a true Directioner.
Do you realize that all this hate is called bullying? Yes, haters are bullies, whether you know it or not. So STOP.
This post isn't just for Taylor Swift hate, but other hate as well. I've seen so much Justin Bieber hate.
If you agree, tag #stopthehate with your posts on Instagram and Twitter! We need more love! Hating needs to stop. Hate can't wait. It needs to end, one small step at a time.
We live in a world full of hate, jealousy, and selfishness. We need to make it stop.
Carpe Diem
Carpe Diem
This was an English assignment. Our teacher had us write a carpe diem (literally meaning "seize the day") poem.
Brainstorming: We were in the same class when you saw me. I was sitting
there, enjoying myself, when I noticed you staring at me. Three years had gone
by and you’re still the same way. I got pulled into your trap and liked you
too. We’re both too afraid to tell each other “I love you”. Why did we waste
those three years? Finally, you talk to me. But it’s not about this, it’s bout that. Why didn’t you ask me? Why didn’t I ask you? In a few years I may
not feel the same way.
So come on, just tell me. Live While You're Young and drench yourself in
teenage love.
We have just one chance.
I was just sitting there when I caught your glance.
Years go by and you’re still the same.
I went along and played your little game.
Afraid of love, we wasted our time,
Pondering our thoughts,we didn’t let them shine.
Too afraid to approach, we didn’t give love a go,
Time goes by, and we may never know.
Time is ticking away; is there a possibility?
We ponder our thoughts and let it pass by.
Come on, have fun
Will you be the one?
Live while you’re young and free yourself
In this crazy thing that they call love.
Capture the moment, remember it
Play it back a thousand times
But it only lasts while you’re in it.
Scratchwork:
Version 1:
We have just one chance.
We have just one chance.
I was just sitting there when I caught your glance.
Years go by and you’re still the same.
I went along and played your game.
Afraid of love, we wasted our time,
Pondering our thoughts, we didn’t let them shine.
Too afraid to approach, we didn’t go,
In some time we may not know.
Come on, drench yourself with your thirst,
You ask me, or I shall ask first?
Live while you’re young and free yourself
In this crazy thing they call love.
Go on, have fun, live while you’re young
Take a chance, and make it fun
Version 2:
We live for only so long
Sometimes we wish time would stop
We think, we do, and we dream
We let these things slip away
Version 3:
You live just once
So why let it slip away?
We have our love and hate
We let it go
We have our ups and downs
We don’t think about it
Version 4:
We have just one chance
We have just one chance
Time is ticking away so take your stance
We ponder our thoughts and let it be
The clock is ticking; it will never cease
Go on, have fun, live while you’re young
Capture it, remember these moments
We dream big, but live small
I made many version of this. Just thought I'd share it with you.
This is actually true. It happened to me. It's not about him. Guess who?
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Tehehe :D
Okay, so since I'm a TA, I do a lot of things like enter stuff into the gradebook.
And when I'm on the gradebook, I like to search the students.
So, I learned his full name.
And I laughed. On the inside. I mean, seriously, how weird is it for a random girl to crack up in the middle of class?
His full name:
Parker Samuel van Loan :DDDDD
I tried to Google Parker van Loan. And I got something. He was on cross-country at my middle school. And I tried to see if he has a FaceBook, but apparently not. Since I'm TA, I can search for his address and stuff. Ooh-la-la! Haha!
So I was Googling on how to search for a student's information and now I know how. Watch out Parker, here I come!
I tried to Google Parker van Loan. And I got something. He was on cross-country at my middle school. And I tried to see if he has a FaceBook, but apparently not. Since I'm TA, I can search for his address and stuff. Ooh-la-la! Haha!
So I was Googling on how to search for a student's information and now I know how. Watch out Parker, here I come!
My Weird Embarrassing Secret
Okay, so I'm a teacher aide for my English teacher. And she has her freshmen English class. So there's this kid who likes me, but I don't like him. And there's another kid who I like and I dunno if he likes me. I'm sensing he does, but hey, what do I know?
But it's so weird. It's like a 4 year age difference. And I'm older than them. Is that weird?
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