I've kind of stayed away from relationships since my last and only one went pretty badly and honestly I don't think I can ever do relationships anymore. At least not for now.
So I decided to do this casual thing with one of my...we'll just call him a friend to make things less complicated.
I would say this whole thing started about a month ago.
Things were going pretty well I thought. I liked him, he liked me, but we both didn't want the commitment of a relationship. We've had sex like once (it was nice, not gonna lie) and it just felt wrong for both of us, so we've stayed away from that part. I wanted more of a cuddle buddy and a makeout buddy more than he wanted more of a friends with benefits sort of thing, which I wasn't really into.
A few days ago, he asked me what I wanted, and I didn't have the guts to say I just wanted a cuddle buddy or a makeout buddy and so I just stayed quiet and kept saying I wasn't sure in the spur of the moment and he said he couldn't do this anymore. Since I felt like it wasn't really going anywhere because we both wanted two totally different things. At least for now, on my part. Also because I'm really bad at deciding under pressure or on a whim. Which I felt like I was since he kept asking me, and it reminded me of a really bad time in my past, and I automatically deflected to the way I used to at the time instead of actually thinking and using my head.
I just feel so stupid.
A part of me feels sad that I didn't tell him what I wanted and a part of me still wants him back (as a makeout/cuddle buddy) but he told me he didn't want anything to do with me until I "sort out my issues" which I'm not sure what that means.
Long story short, things are really weird between us. And the way things are between us, it's hard for me to confront him about it. Since before we started this casual thing, things were already pretty complicated.
I just want to tell him that I want to take things casual for now, and not get into it too much for now until I actually feel ready.
It also feels like I lost a good friend. Even though we weren't that close, I told him some deep shit and he's told me shit about his past. I kind of miss what we had even before we started this whole casual thing.
I just miss him. In a non-romantic, no-strings-attached sort of way. I just really care about him. More than I should. I admit, I had a crush on him, but it slowly faded away when I found out who he was as a person.
How do you fix things with someone who you never had a real connection with?
Saturday, May 25, 2019
Prank Gone...Awry?
Sooooo, I had this crazy idea to finally do that texting my Forever and Always with some tweaking song lyrics prank. On that one co-worker.
He's been messing with my head and playing with my emotions and I thought I'd do him back the favour.
Not that I want to, because I wanted to convey a certain message to him I just couldn't in words. And texting song lyrics is one way I try to tell people something that I don't have the nerve to tell them directly. Also letters. Actual written letters. I guess I'm a hopeless romantic in that aspect.
So, the whole ordeal from beginning to end took almost two hours. Not because I didn't know what to say because I've been planning it for WEEKS. But because he took FOREVER to respond. And I mean forever.
To the point where I would have to text him multiple times just to get a response. But I guess he doesn't really listen to the same music as I do, so it makes sense.
As a person who watches YouTube a lot, I would assume he would know what I was going on about. But then again that texting prank challenge was SO last year.
But hey, better late than never, right? I've been meaning to do it for a while but never found the right person to mess with. Until now I guess.
I mean, I could have done it with my ex (at the time), but he knew how obsessed I was with YouTube that we got into some serious arguments about it, so that wouldn't have been too fun. And my other two friends...one of them, we have this strange friendship where we only send each other FaceBook stickers, sooooo...yeah. And the other one, he's a little too dramatic, so I feel like that's not go too well.
But overall, it didn't go too bad. Other than the fact I was filming the whole thing and it took FOREVER just to get him to respond. Mostly because he was confused half the time and actually thought I was onto something. Which I sort of was.
And I had to cut it short because he thought so many different things that I wouldn't have even guessed. Nothing too bad, but wayyyy out of my line. And I had to kinda give him a hint because he had NO CLUE what I was going on about. I thought he would have known when I texted the line containing the song title, so I kind of felt bad dragging him on for so long since I'm sure he has other things to do on a Sunday. Or maybe not.
But I felt sooooo bad that I messed with his head that I had to apologise afterwards because I'm just that nice of a person. It's a good and a bad thing. Mostly good, but it bites you back sometimes.
And that led me to just texting him for the sake of texting him person to person. And I kind of got him to say what I needed and he got me to say what I needed (not all of it, but life takes time). So I guess it all worked out. Maybe not how I intended it to, but not all's fair in life.
Also not sure why this has been in my drafts for so long. Whoops.
He's been messing with my head and playing with my emotions and I thought I'd do him back the favour.
Not that I want to, because I wanted to convey a certain message to him I just couldn't in words. And texting song lyrics is one way I try to tell people something that I don't have the nerve to tell them directly. Also letters. Actual written letters. I guess I'm a hopeless romantic in that aspect.
So, the whole ordeal from beginning to end took almost two hours. Not because I didn't know what to say because I've been planning it for WEEKS. But because he took FOREVER to respond. And I mean forever.
To the point where I would have to text him multiple times just to get a response. But I guess he doesn't really listen to the same music as I do, so it makes sense.
As a person who watches YouTube a lot, I would assume he would know what I was going on about. But then again that texting prank challenge was SO last year.
But hey, better late than never, right? I've been meaning to do it for a while but never found the right person to mess with. Until now I guess.
I mean, I could have done it with my ex (at the time), but he knew how obsessed I was with YouTube that we got into some serious arguments about it, so that wouldn't have been too fun. And my other two friends...one of them, we have this strange friendship where we only send each other FaceBook stickers, sooooo...yeah. And the other one, he's a little too dramatic, so I feel like that's not go too well.
But overall, it didn't go too bad. Other than the fact I was filming the whole thing and it took FOREVER just to get him to respond. Mostly because he was confused half the time and actually thought I was onto something. Which I sort of was.
And I had to cut it short because he thought so many different things that I wouldn't have even guessed. Nothing too bad, but wayyyy out of my line. And I had to kinda give him a hint because he had NO CLUE what I was going on about. I thought he would have known when I texted the line containing the song title, so I kind of felt bad dragging him on for so long since I'm sure he has other things to do on a Sunday. Or maybe not.
But I felt sooooo bad that I messed with his head that I had to apologise afterwards because I'm just that nice of a person. It's a good and a bad thing. Mostly good, but it bites you back sometimes.
And that led me to just texting him for the sake of texting him person to person. And I kind of got him to say what I needed and he got me to say what I needed (not all of it, but life takes time). So I guess it all worked out. Maybe not how I intended it to, but not all's fair in life.
Also not sure why this has been in my drafts for so long. Whoops.
Monday, April 1, 2019
What I Think
So...my relationship with that one co-worker. It's complicated. To the point that I've changed my relationship status to "it's complicated" on FaceBook. That's when you know it's a big deal. Well, at least in today's society.
I really want to hang out with him someday though. That's actually how I got his number. Because
we're both around the same age and so we share that special connection that I haven't really gotten with any of my other co-workers. I see him more as a friend than a co-worker.
So, how did I get his number? I feel like that's a whole 'nother story for a different post.
I meant to talk about how I think his mind works. Because I like talking about stuff like that. I feel like we're both similar in that we both kind of awkward in a cutesy way. I don't know if he's as awkward as I am, but he is definitely awkward. Well, at least I think he is. I remember we were standing next to each other at this one event we had, and it was just SO FREAKING AWKWARD. I had the feeling that we both wanted to talk to each other, but didn't know what to say.
He's the type of person you would just get along with really well. And I feel like I am too. Even though I might not seem like it. I'm pretty easygoing and not too picky in life. I feel like he's sort of the same way. Like he annoys the shit out of me at work and the things he does drive me nuts, but at the end of the day, I feel like he still cares about me, as much as he doesn't want to. And I'm the same way.
I saw this thing on Buzzfeed or Twitter or somewhere and it said "There's always that one person you look out for" or something along those lines and I feel like that's our friendship. We look out for one another. And that's what I like about it.
There's been multiple times where I've annoyed the living hell out of him and he goes "Do you wanna go?" And me being me, I've said, "Yeah, I'll go do my work!" And I think one time my manager commented on my snarky remark.
The reason (I think) we get along so well (in theory) is that we kind of have similar but clashing personalities. He's annoying, loud, and rude most of the time, and I'm calm and pretty nice and quiet most of the time. We're also pretty bad with saying words out loud, but we both kind of have our own little unwritten language that no one but us knows about. He has this book that he's told me his writing and I have this blog that I don't think anyone but myself reads.
At work, we hate the living hell out of each other, but outside of that, like on weekends, we get along quite well I guess. We text each other every so often. Recently, it's about work-related stuff because that's all we ever talk about and we poke fun at our other co-workers. I feel like we together as one, make a pretty good team. Like if we made something together, it would turn out weirdly cool. I'm a dork and he's a nerd. And we're okay with that.
I just REALLY WANT TO HANG OUT with him sometime. Emphasis on the HANG OUT not GO OUT because that has two different meanings in today's world.
I've actually asked him to hang out a few months ago and he legit thought I was hitting on him. Or maybe that was just him giving me a hard time. UGH!
Guys are so confusing but then again girls are confusing to guys too. If we just stopped confusing each other, maybe everything would be a lot easier.
I really want to hang out with him someday though. That's actually how I got his number. Because
we're both around the same age and so we share that special connection that I haven't really gotten with any of my other co-workers. I see him more as a friend than a co-worker.
So, how did I get his number? I feel like that's a whole 'nother story for a different post.
I meant to talk about how I think his mind works. Because I like talking about stuff like that. I feel like we're both similar in that we both kind of awkward in a cutesy way. I don't know if he's as awkward as I am, but he is definitely awkward. Well, at least I think he is. I remember we were standing next to each other at this one event we had, and it was just SO FREAKING AWKWARD. I had the feeling that we both wanted to talk to each other, but didn't know what to say.
He's the type of person you would just get along with really well. And I feel like I am too. Even though I might not seem like it. I'm pretty easygoing and not too picky in life. I feel like he's sort of the same way. Like he annoys the shit out of me at work and the things he does drive me nuts, but at the end of the day, I feel like he still cares about me, as much as he doesn't want to. And I'm the same way.
I saw this thing on Buzzfeed or Twitter or somewhere and it said "There's always that one person you look out for" or something along those lines and I feel like that's our friendship. We look out for one another. And that's what I like about it.
There's been multiple times where I've annoyed the living hell out of him and he goes "Do you wanna go?" And me being me, I've said, "Yeah, I'll go do my work!" And I think one time my manager commented on my snarky remark.
The reason (I think) we get along so well (in theory) is that we kind of have similar but clashing personalities. He's annoying, loud, and rude most of the time, and I'm calm and pretty nice and quiet most of the time. We're also pretty bad with saying words out loud, but we both kind of have our own little unwritten language that no one but us knows about. He has this book that he's told me his writing and I have this blog that I don't think anyone but myself reads.
At work, we hate the living hell out of each other, but outside of that, like on weekends, we get along quite well I guess. We text each other every so often. Recently, it's about work-related stuff because that's all we ever talk about and we poke fun at our other co-workers. I feel like we together as one, make a pretty good team. Like if we made something together, it would turn out weirdly cool. I'm a dork and he's a nerd. And we're okay with that.
I just REALLY WANT TO HANG OUT with him sometime. Emphasis on the HANG OUT not GO OUT because that has two different meanings in today's world.
I've actually asked him to hang out a few months ago and he legit thought I was hitting on him. Or maybe that was just him giving me a hard time. UGH!
Guys are so confusing but then again girls are confusing to guys too. If we just stopped confusing each other, maybe everything would be a lot easier.
Friday, January 25, 2019
Life is Hard.
Life is one hell of a roller coaster ride.
Long story short, I don't really know what to do with my life. What are my goals? Dreams? Aspirations? My teacher always asked that. "Any questions? Hopes? Wishes? Dreams? Aspirations?" Something like that.
I shipped something to my old address in Riverside when I went to UCR. I graduated about a year and a half ago.
More on that in another post.
That got me thinking, a lot of my friends are already married and have kids, and I don't even have a boyfriend!
My co-worker was talking about Star Trek and he jokingly said, "You're too young for that!" I haven't watched any of the Star Wars, Star Trek, or Lord of the Rings movies. I know, I'm a horrible person. In my defence, I have watched all of the Harry Potter movies multiple times and have the books (in pristine condition, might I add).
Sometimes, I feel like life moves way too fast for us to catch up. It's almost like trying to catch a train when you forgot to wake up in time.
Literally my life. Every single day.
I still live with my parents. At least two of my co-workers still do. The same two co-workers are also in their mid-to-late-20s.
I'm honestly scared to live on my own. I could, I mean I did it for almost four years. Somewhat. Parents are always gonna be parents.
There's so many things I'm still trying to figure out. And living on your own comes many responsibilities. Groceries, rent, bills. It takes up most of the weekends since you're on the 9-5 grind on weekdays.
I just don't know if I could handle all that. I mean, I DO want to move out. Don't get me wrong. Just all that added pressure. I don't know if I'm ready for that.
That and plus, rent and bills and all that is really expensive and I still have a college "broke life" mentality. Hence, why I buy novels on Abebooks instead of Amazon or eBay. If you don't know what that is, you didn't do college right. Seriously. You could have saved HUNDREDS.
Maybe I'll do a post on how much you could have saved if you used Abebooks or some other book site. No, not Barnes & Noble or Borders. Remember Borders? Ahh, the good ole days.
Long story short, I don't really know what to do with my life. What are my goals? Dreams? Aspirations? My teacher always asked that. "Any questions? Hopes? Wishes? Dreams? Aspirations?" Something like that.
I shipped something to my old address in Riverside when I went to UCR. I graduated about a year and a half ago.
More on that in another post.
That got me thinking, a lot of my friends are already married and have kids, and I don't even have a boyfriend!
My co-worker was talking about Star Trek and he jokingly said, "You're too young for that!" I haven't watched any of the Star Wars, Star Trek, or Lord of the Rings movies. I know, I'm a horrible person. In my defence, I have watched all of the Harry Potter movies multiple times and have the books (in pristine condition, might I add).
Sometimes, I feel like life moves way too fast for us to catch up. It's almost like trying to catch a train when you forgot to wake up in time.
Literally my life. Every single day.
I still live with my parents. At least two of my co-workers still do. The same two co-workers are also in their mid-to-late-20s.
I'm honestly scared to live on my own. I could, I mean I did it for almost four years. Somewhat. Parents are always gonna be parents.
There's so many things I'm still trying to figure out. And living on your own comes many responsibilities. Groceries, rent, bills. It takes up most of the weekends since you're on the 9-5 grind on weekdays.
I just don't know if I could handle all that. I mean, I DO want to move out. Don't get me wrong. Just all that added pressure. I don't know if I'm ready for that.
That and plus, rent and bills and all that is really expensive and I still have a college "broke life" mentality. Hence, why I buy novels on Abebooks instead of Amazon or eBay. If you don't know what that is, you didn't do college right. Seriously. You could have saved HUNDREDS.
Maybe I'll do a post on how much you could have saved if you used Abebooks or some other book site. No, not Barnes & Noble or Borders. Remember Borders? Ahh, the good ole days.
Saturday, December 29, 2018
Why I Broke Up With My Boyrfiend
So I mentioned I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. Some of you might wonder why. Long story short, I was never really truly happy with the relationship for many reasons. Sit tight, grab a drink and maybe enjoy. This is about to get interesting.
So we met online. But not in the way you might think. Someone started a Facebook group of all of the UCR freshmen. And both him and I along with many other UCR to-be-freshmen (at the time) joined that group. And then I created another one but specific to our class and major. And again, him and a bunch of other to-be-UCR freshmen joined. And somehow, through some form of communication, he got my Skype info and I got his and we communicated that way at first. And then not long after, we met in Chinatown. I know, out of all places. But this was just as friends.
Fast forward a couple months, I was locking my bike to the bike racks near the dorms and he said hi, and my parents just so happened to be there and being the nice person I am, I said hi back. My parents eventually hated him.
Then he invited me over to his dorm to hang out. I remember one of his hallmates actually asked us how long we've known each other and we were like "We just met, but we're like already best friends." Later that day, there was always this big event at the start of the school year that we went to and he asked me out there and I awkwardly said yes, but in my mind I wanted to say no. I just didn't get a good vibe from him (you know how I mentioned how I got a good vibe from my co-worker? This was the COMPLETE opposite), but I was so caught up in the moment and with the idea of having a boyfriend that I just didn't really think straight at the time.
The first three years were fine. We didn't really get into any arguments, we were really nice to each other, he got me stuff, and I got him stuff, and we did normal couple-y stuff. I was still caught up in the whole idea of having a boyfriend that I didn't really understand what I really wanted. He also helped me figure out college and helped me with many assignments and things that I didn't know, so I'm grateful for that part. I remember actually crying back in winter break of freshmen year since I couldn't see him every day. I was so stupid back then and so smitten.
Everything went downhill the next two years. We fought a lot, he always got angry with me, and started physically hurting me because I would never listen. He also broke a few of my things and I would lie to my parents about it because I didn't want them to do anything to hurt him.
He took control of what I could and couldn't do. I started watching Chinese dramas as a sort of escape from all my drama, and he didn't want me doing that. I once chose watching dramas over him because I didn't want to deal with him. To this day, I will never regret that decision. He got so mad that he said to choose him or watching Chinese dramas. He would never get mad if I watched American dramas (I watched Pretty Little Liars almost every week), so why did he get mad over that? I did spend an entire summer obsessing over Aaron Yan from Just You and Fall in Love with Me and downloading so many Chinese songs, so I could see where he was coming from. I eventually stopped watching Chinese dramas for maybe a year, and then I created a secret Twitter account just so I could fangirl about Chinese and Taiwanese dramas as well as a secret Instagram account (I created a different one later since he had me delete that one). I also secretly watched Taiwanese dramas and created both a DramaFever and a Viki account. He later found out about those too. The Twitter account is still active, but I rarely post on it since work gets in the way. I felt like he just took control of too many aspects of my life that I wasn't even living MY life.
My parents were a small reason why we broke up as well. They didn't really like him, since they said he was too short and wasn't really "handsome" to their liking. He also wasn't Chinese (or at least not in their minds). His parents spoke Chinese, but also Cambodian. He had a little brother that was younger than almost half his age, and even though I liked him, I felt like I wanted us time, and my ex was always dragging him along in our "dates".
One of the last times we hung out, I was so ready to break up with him, but he kept giving me reasons to stay together. Like how I would never find another Asian who was taller than me and who is as nice as he is and tolerates my weirdness. My co-worker is all of those things. Minus the Asian and height.
I think the last time we hung out as a "date" was to see The Lego Batman Movie or some movie. He brought me pasta or some food he either made or got from his work. That was nice. And he wanted to like make out or something in his car and I just didn't feel like it. It was then I realised I needed to end it. I was just so tired of his games. It was just too much. I couldn't take it anymore.
He saw me one last time at work. He worked at Marina Del Ray at the time, and I couldn't just take one or two hours off just to see him. We were already understaffed as it is. We still are. I didn't really talk to him because I had nothing to say. We were done.
I still have a bunch of his stuff. Mostly toys. I just don't want to find the time to drop them off at Goodwill's. I blocked him on all social media platforms. He knows where I live, and I know where he lives. Hopefully he won't come knocking for answers because I'm not giving him any.
Goodbye, next.
So we met online. But not in the way you might think. Someone started a Facebook group of all of the UCR freshmen. And both him and I along with many other UCR to-be-freshmen (at the time) joined that group. And then I created another one but specific to our class and major. And again, him and a bunch of other to-be-UCR freshmen joined. And somehow, through some form of communication, he got my Skype info and I got his and we communicated that way at first. And then not long after, we met in Chinatown. I know, out of all places. But this was just as friends.
Fast forward a couple months, I was locking my bike to the bike racks near the dorms and he said hi, and my parents just so happened to be there and being the nice person I am, I said hi back. My parents eventually hated him.
Then he invited me over to his dorm to hang out. I remember one of his hallmates actually asked us how long we've known each other and we were like "We just met, but we're like already best friends." Later that day, there was always this big event at the start of the school year that we went to and he asked me out there and I awkwardly said yes, but in my mind I wanted to say no. I just didn't get a good vibe from him (you know how I mentioned how I got a good vibe from my co-worker? This was the COMPLETE opposite), but I was so caught up in the moment and with the idea of having a boyfriend that I just didn't really think straight at the time.
The first three years were fine. We didn't really get into any arguments, we were really nice to each other, he got me stuff, and I got him stuff, and we did normal couple-y stuff. I was still caught up in the whole idea of having a boyfriend that I didn't really understand what I really wanted. He also helped me figure out college and helped me with many assignments and things that I didn't know, so I'm grateful for that part. I remember actually crying back in winter break of freshmen year since I couldn't see him every day. I was so stupid back then and so smitten.
Everything went downhill the next two years. We fought a lot, he always got angry with me, and started physically hurting me because I would never listen. He also broke a few of my things and I would lie to my parents about it because I didn't want them to do anything to hurt him.
He took control of what I could and couldn't do. I started watching Chinese dramas as a sort of escape from all my drama, and he didn't want me doing that. I once chose watching dramas over him because I didn't want to deal with him. To this day, I will never regret that decision. He got so mad that he said to choose him or watching Chinese dramas. He would never get mad if I watched American dramas (I watched Pretty Little Liars almost every week), so why did he get mad over that? I did spend an entire summer obsessing over Aaron Yan from Just You and Fall in Love with Me and downloading so many Chinese songs, so I could see where he was coming from. I eventually stopped watching Chinese dramas for maybe a year, and then I created a secret Twitter account just so I could fangirl about Chinese and Taiwanese dramas as well as a secret Instagram account (I created a different one later since he had me delete that one). I also secretly watched Taiwanese dramas and created both a DramaFever and a Viki account. He later found out about those too. The Twitter account is still active, but I rarely post on it since work gets in the way. I felt like he just took control of too many aspects of my life that I wasn't even living MY life.
My parents were a small reason why we broke up as well. They didn't really like him, since they said he was too short and wasn't really "handsome" to their liking. He also wasn't Chinese (or at least not in their minds). His parents spoke Chinese, but also Cambodian. He had a little brother that was younger than almost half his age, and even though I liked him, I felt like I wanted us time, and my ex was always dragging him along in our "dates".
One of the last times we hung out, I was so ready to break up with him, but he kept giving me reasons to stay together. Like how I would never find another Asian who was taller than me and who is as nice as he is and tolerates my weirdness. My co-worker is all of those things. Minus the Asian and height.
I think the last time we hung out as a "date" was to see The Lego Batman Movie or some movie. He brought me pasta or some food he either made or got from his work. That was nice. And he wanted to like make out or something in his car and I just didn't feel like it. It was then I realised I needed to end it. I was just so tired of his games. It was just too much. I couldn't take it anymore.
He saw me one last time at work. He worked at Marina Del Ray at the time, and I couldn't just take one or two hours off just to see him. We were already understaffed as it is. We still are. I didn't really talk to him because I had nothing to say. We were done.
I still have a bunch of his stuff. Mostly toys. I just don't want to find the time to drop them off at Goodwill's. I blocked him on all social media platforms. He knows where I live, and I know where he lives. Hopefully he won't come knocking for answers because I'm not giving him any.
Goodbye, next.
So, I Got a Job...What Now?
(I somehow forgot to post this a LONGGGGG time ago)
So yeah, I got a job the other day. I should be happy, but I'm more confused than happy. Do I like it? I'm not sure yet.
Like is a very strong word. It's a word you use to describe something you believe fully in, something you have strong feeling towards. I can't say for sure if I "like" my job. But I will say that I do find myself thinking, if I didn't accept this job, what would I do?
You could say I'm a dreamer. In fact, I'm more than a dreamer. I'm a firm believer in chasing your dreams and overcoming obstacles along the way. But sometimes, I forget that I need to apply that to myself too. I chase too many dreams at once. I have many ideas I want to put out there, but instead of going for those ideas, I think of the many ways that those ideas could go wrong.
I guess I'm more pessimistic than I am optimistic. I guess I tend to look at the downside of things more than the flip-side. Which is probably why I feel so confused. And can't decide things. It might also be because I've let other people choose for me, so I guess I just "chose" a practical major.
I also don't feel like I want to quit just yet, because if I do, I won't be bringing food on the table so to speak. I know that if you want to chase your dreams, you have to put it your all, but sometimes, you also gotta have a backup plan.
All that plus, I've been trying to distract myself from getting a job because I honestly had NO CLUE what the eff I wanted to do after college. I've been trying to distract myself from applying to jobs because I didn't know if I'd like it or not.
And actually, I was actually enjoying my dining job because I really liked interacting with customers. Maybe that's what I like. Interacting with customers, face to face. So hospitality? I'm not sure yet. But I'm getting there, slowly but surely.
So yeah, I got a job the other day. I should be happy, but I'm more confused than happy. Do I like it? I'm not sure yet.
Like is a very strong word. It's a word you use to describe something you believe fully in, something you have strong feeling towards. I can't say for sure if I "like" my job. But I will say that I do find myself thinking, if I didn't accept this job, what would I do?
You could say I'm a dreamer. In fact, I'm more than a dreamer. I'm a firm believer in chasing your dreams and overcoming obstacles along the way. But sometimes, I forget that I need to apply that to myself too. I chase too many dreams at once. I have many ideas I want to put out there, but instead of going for those ideas, I think of the many ways that those ideas could go wrong.
I guess I'm more pessimistic than I am optimistic. I guess I tend to look at the downside of things more than the flip-side. Which is probably why I feel so confused. And can't decide things. It might also be because I've let other people choose for me, so I guess I just "chose" a practical major.
I also don't feel like I want to quit just yet, because if I do, I won't be bringing food on the table so to speak. I know that if you want to chase your dreams, you have to put it your all, but sometimes, you also gotta have a backup plan.
All that plus, I've been trying to distract myself from getting a job because I honestly had NO CLUE what the eff I wanted to do after college. I've been trying to distract myself from applying to jobs because I didn't know if I'd like it or not.
And actually, I was actually enjoying my dining job because I really liked interacting with customers. Maybe that's what I like. Interacting with customers, face to face. So hospitality? I'm not sure yet. But I'm getting there, slowly but surely.
What Are We?
So, you that that same co-worker I've been mentioning? It's been a good few months since my last post about him, so thought I'd give you a quick update.
We used to bite each other's heads off, OBVIOUSLY, in a playful manner. And now, we've kind of tolerated each other a little bit more. Although I did FINALLY get his number like almost a month ago. Which was funny cuz I indirectly gave him mine during Halloween as an excuse to give him jelly beans.
Quick digression. So I gave him my number indirectly on the back of a post-it note cuz we have tons of those at work as an excuse to give him my jelly beans that I have at home since I can't really eat jelly beans anymore. Root canal. Not fun. Anyways, I gave him two bags of jelly beans in Ziploc bags and on the first bag, I stuck a post-it note and wrote "Happy Halloween!" and on the second bag, I stuck a post-it and wrote "Thanks for being an awesome co-worker and putting up with me. You're pretty cool! Let's hang out sometime!" and I gave him my number. I contemplated that for THE LONGEST TIME since I wasn't sure if he would see it, which he didn't...for about a month.
Flash forward almost a month, I just got back from lunch, and he messages me "I just saw that post it note you stuck on the back. Believe me, if I had seen that, I would have spammed you with cat pics" and I was so confused cuz I was in work mode.
So yeah, I FINALLY managed to get his number. I don't know. I've always gotten a good vibe from him. Since he's only like two years older than I am. Like I really want to hang out with him, but I just can't figure out how to ask. And cuz I feel like now would be a bad time to ask since he's like switching meds or something like that. We tell each other some really deep shit.
ANYWAYS, that's not what I meant to talk about. So I feel like now, we can stand each other a bit more. And we only decide to kill each other depending on the workload. Recently, work has been pretty light, so we joke around a lot more than we did a few weeks ago when it was crazy busy. He also does this thing recently where he'll come up an just randomly poke me. I've gotten him back maybe like once or twice.
I feel like now, we've kind of hit a stagnant point in terms of snappy remarks and whatnot, but I feel like I'm meaner to him than he is to me. Here's a few examples.
Him: I don't know why I just can't get warm.
Me: It's probably cuz you have a cold soul.
Him: Wow, that's harsh.
Him: (hears the fax machine go off) Really?
Me: It loves you.
Him: I don't want it to!
Me: It wants your love!
Him: Why does he keep calling me?
Me: Because he loves you!
Him: Love me less!
Me: He thinks otherwise.
He gives me something to approve.
Me: (approves it)
Him: Thank you.
Me: You're not welcome. (I've said this more than once.)
Him: Oh, that hurts. (And he's said some variation of that.)
Him: (walks in) Jenny, you're a terrible person.
Me: What did I ever do to you?
Him: I just wanted you to know that.
Him: Jenny, you're a terrible person. (version 2)
Me: I know, that's why I can be mean to you back.
Him: Wow, harsh.
Manager: (talking about some system upgrade)
This was also at some off-site another co-worker arranged.
Him: Well that what am I gonna do all day?
Me: Complain.
Him: Wow, really? We're not even at work at you have the energy to throw me under the bus?
So yeah, we have our share of snappy remarks and comments. We get along that way. It's a special relationship we share.
"Because you're my favourite!"
We used to bite each other's heads off, OBVIOUSLY, in a playful manner. And now, we've kind of tolerated each other a little bit more. Although I did FINALLY get his number like almost a month ago. Which was funny cuz I indirectly gave him mine during Halloween as an excuse to give him jelly beans.
Quick digression. So I gave him my number indirectly on the back of a post-it note cuz we have tons of those at work as an excuse to give him my jelly beans that I have at home since I can't really eat jelly beans anymore. Root canal. Not fun. Anyways, I gave him two bags of jelly beans in Ziploc bags and on the first bag, I stuck a post-it note and wrote "Happy Halloween!" and on the second bag, I stuck a post-it and wrote "Thanks for being an awesome co-worker and putting up with me. You're pretty cool! Let's hang out sometime!" and I gave him my number. I contemplated that for THE LONGEST TIME since I wasn't sure if he would see it, which he didn't...for about a month.
Flash forward almost a month, I just got back from lunch, and he messages me "I just saw that post it note you stuck on the back. Believe me, if I had seen that, I would have spammed you with cat pics" and I was so confused cuz I was in work mode.
So yeah, I FINALLY managed to get his number. I don't know. I've always gotten a good vibe from him. Since he's only like two years older than I am. Like I really want to hang out with him, but I just can't figure out how to ask. And cuz I feel like now would be a bad time to ask since he's like switching meds or something like that. We tell each other some really deep shit.
ANYWAYS, that's not what I meant to talk about. So I feel like now, we can stand each other a bit more. And we only decide to kill each other depending on the workload. Recently, work has been pretty light, so we joke around a lot more than we did a few weeks ago when it was crazy busy. He also does this thing recently where he'll come up an just randomly poke me. I've gotten him back maybe like once or twice.
I feel like now, we've kind of hit a stagnant point in terms of snappy remarks and whatnot, but I feel like I'm meaner to him than he is to me. Here's a few examples.
Him: I don't know why I just can't get warm.
Me: It's probably cuz you have a cold soul.
Him: Wow, that's harsh.
Him: (hears the fax machine go off) Really?
Me: It loves you.
Him: I don't want it to!
Me: It wants your love!
Him: Why does he keep calling me?
Me: Because he loves you!
Him: Love me less!
Me: He thinks otherwise.
He gives me something to approve.
Me: (approves it)
Him: Thank you.
Me: You're not welcome. (I've said this more than once.)
Him: Oh, that hurts. (And he's said some variation of that.)
Him: (walks in) Jenny, you're a terrible person.
Me: What did I ever do to you?
Him: I just wanted you to know that.
Him: Jenny, you're a terrible person. (version 2)
Me: I know, that's why I can be mean to you back.
Him: Wow, harsh.
Manager: (talking about some system upgrade)
This was also at some off-site another co-worker arranged.
Him: Well that what am I gonna do all day?
Me: Complain.
Him: Wow, really? We're not even at work at you have the energy to throw me under the bus?
So yeah, we have our share of snappy remarks and comments. We get along that way. It's a special relationship we share.
"Because you're my favourite!"
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